How to discuss erection difficulties with a new partner sensitively

[LifeAt4067]

Been with new BF for 4 months now. I am 44, he is 51. We have had sex but it doesn't really last long and he loses erection quite quickly which is disappointing as have never experienced this before. I don't think he is overly confident in this department either.

Last weekend was our first full weekend together after swapping kids routines around etc. He isn't very touchy feely but will cuddle me on sofa. I stayed at his twice last weekend and we go up to bed and he doesn't make the first move so I lay in bed waiting for a while and will then make the first move.

I know he loses erection after few minutes and I try and do everything possible to help keep it but then end up thinking ive done all the work. He likes it when I am on top.

He has mentioned the lack of E, I have been very laid back as don't want to put any pressure on. I am thinking of asking him how he would feel about taking 1, just to try and see if it makes any difference. I think he will be fine but I dont want to upset him.How would you approach this? We have never had to have a discussion before

I’m not really sure how to make it sensitive , but probably over breakfast- just say that you have noticed him struggling in the bedroom and has he seen a DR about any health issues

Cant really help with the lack of sexual experience or confidence- that just takes time and having more sex really

If he's mentioned the lack of E (presumably you mean Erection, rather than Ecstasy), that's your cue to start the conversation.

A relationship counsellor would say to approach the issue with compassion and curiosity.
When it comes up (or doesn't 🤭) ask if it's something he's concerned about, whether he knows of a particular cause (cardio health, antidepressants, anxiety, etc), and whether he regards it as a situation he want's to resolve. If you want to address Viagra etc, suggest it in terms of "Would you like us to try it?" rather than "Do you think you should try it?" Don't frame it in terms of your own personal needs, as that could make him feel worse about it.
Remember, "40% of men over 40. ..." so at 51, this is just a natural part of middleage.

A lot of sexual issues are best discussed away from the bedroom. But I think, if handled sensitively, this is better talked about in the monent. Otherwise it could feel like it's a bigger issue and that you're thinking about it a lot.

When you make the first move does he respond by engaging in anything for your pleasure or are you basically getting him hard enough to try PIV with no effort on his part to get you off either before or after? I could live with ED, PIV is only a.small part of sex, but if he's not interested in your pleasure that's a much bigger issue imo.

What the fuck is his problem ?
Go get some treatment
4 months into a relationship the last thing you need to worry about is him not being able to get a erection
Get Viagra or something started .
this is fucking 2026
If you have to pussyfoot around it , then you are wasting your fucking time

i hate that my erection is softer than it ever used to be at age 53
morning with more Testosterone- it’s good
but Viagra has been super helpful for us .
sucks with age that erections and health go
south

What's his problem? He's different to you!
Just because your 53yr old cock isn't what you want to be, that doesn't mean he should be as PIV focused as you.
Everyone's body is different - everyone's libido is different. Get over yourself.

Get him on viagra. At 4 months in you should be fucking like bunnies