When to have sex with someone you have met on Bumble

[Sally333]

I met a guy and we have been messaging & talking loads and he wants to have sex?
How many have had successful outcomes on bumble?
I’m out of an abusive, difficult marriage and haven’t had sex in ~ 3 years and really nervous.
We click really well and really like him. I’m nervous from the trauma of my previous abusive relationship & afraid it will impinge on this one?
Sorry for rambling and appreciative sensitive replies xxx

Have you actually met yet? Someone pushing for sex before even meeting would be a bit of a red flag for me, if you’ve met nd talked about your past and being nervous, him pushing for sex immediately doesn’t seem very caring. Don’t sell yourself short - even if you want it think about how well you really know him and whether you trust him after your difficult past.

How many times have you met? Unless you are looking for something casual, actually asking for sex is a bit off putting. Intimacy should happen organically when you both feel comfortable and the moment feels right. If he is rushing it, then don't feel you have to go with it. And if he is miffed or annoyed, then that is a good indication of what kind of a person he is.

Is quick sex not the idea of Bumble?

love, there is no recipe for this. whenever you want to have sex is the right answer. someone sharing their positive experience with bumble will not mean yours will be positive and the same for negatives. you just dont know because it is not just about you there is another person involved. so again whenever you think you want to have sex

I don't think it being Bumble is any more relevant than any new relationship?

But fwiw (nothing) after leaving a sexless marriage, I met my late boyfriend on Bumble, and we had sex after 12 days 🤷‍♀️

Have sex if you want to. I hope you are able to do some processing of your previous relationship.

Not at all. From several years of being on Bumble (m, 50s), the vast majority of women on there are looking for a serious and long-term relationship.

It depends what you have on your profile, what you have already discussed and if you have met. If you've put that you are looking for something casual, and in your chats you have reaffirmed this stance and you've met and get along well then go for it. No need to be nervous at all, it's just bodies and sex. He literally won't care.

However if you are looking for something with a bit more substance then this is not your man. The only guys who are actually asking to have sex are ones who will probably never see you again or just call you for a hook up at midnight. Most people don't need to be asking as it gently builds through your dates and moves to a natural conclusion.

Bumble is also no different to tinder, or the rest. I think those types of blokes have figured out that as women seem to see bumble as a "longer term" dating app, we are more easily led and deceived as we presume that's what the men are there for, they are not. I speak from experience across them all.

So it sounds like you’ve met already? If you have and he wants to be physical then it feels a bit like you should let it happen naturally, be led by your own response. You DO need to maybe put yourself in the situation, even if you feel nervous, and then see how you feel. He needs to be v patient and go gently with you. Tbh intimacy after an abusive relationship is different than before because you’re so vulnerable and fragile. You’ve been keeping part of yourself safe and yes it feels v scary to drop your guard. I imagine the new guy doesn’t totally get this, but also feels/knows that once you get closer, you’ll feel better.

I think setting a sort of limit may help. Like first only kissing, etc. You need to let your own desire emerge and be led by that. He needs to be patient but at the same time sometimes you’ll always have a barrier up and you need help letting go.

This is good OP. This is the next and necessary stage of reclaiming your life. If you really like this guy, understand your own hurdles and try to put them down, gradually. Don’t let your ex take this closeness and love from you too.