For the men in the sexless marriages thread- anyone in Ireland?

[CountBoscoTheSecondsWife]

I read the longstanding sexless marriage thread with interest and compassion. Can i ask are any of the men in these marriages living in Ireland? If so could you please contact me? (Absolutely not for a suggestion of a physical or emotional affair, lest anyone jumps to that conclusion.). Thanks.

If you aren't looking for an affair of sorts, what difference does it make if they live in Ireland or anywhere else?

Researcher or Journalist?
I’m sure it’s not a problem but if you are, just be honest.
If not, my apologies.

🍿

Sorry for the delay, was away for a few days.
my marriage ended many years ago and I was put through the ringer in the most cruel manner for 7 awful years. It completely turned me off men, and to be honest I never really trusted men much in the first place. I recently read horrible threads on here about men using (ie abusing) young prostitutes and it turned my stomach and deepened my mistrust as it seems prevalent for men to behave like this - seems anything is fair game once the misses doesn’t find out.
Then I read the sexless marriage thread and despite being in a very difficult situation, a lot of the men are steadfast in remaining loyal to their wives. Despite not trusting men romantically/sexually, I actually love their company. I would love to have a guy friend who doesn’t want anything more than a friendship, I have huge compassion for all the posters on that thread who find themselves in a sexless marriage against their will. Some of the men have said they are lonely and don’t feel they can talk to their friends about the situation. So I thought it might be nice to meet for a walk or a pint with a man who has no agenda but would perhaps appreciate talking to a woman about what’s going on. I also have something I’d love a man’s feedback on but would prefer to speak face to face.

Hi @CountBoscoTheSecondsWife
I am sorry you had a horrible experience.. I would just leave a gentle note that your angle might be working against you here. You would like platonic, purely friendship-based relationship, companionship with men, and you think it is a good idea to direct the search towards men who live in sexless marriages. I don't want to generalise, there is plenty of that going on here on mumsnet, but I would just like you to think about one thing: The men in sexless marriages are just like anyone else, but remember, they are - for a lack of a better word - starving in terms of sex. Now let's paint a picture. You, a woman, want their companionship. Let's say it's fun, everyone enjoys this companionship.. which could potentially lead to attraction (not saying it would a 100%), but mind you, as I said, they are starving for sex.. so I am not sure the logic is on your side here.

Married men that don't intend to cheat aren't going to invest time with a single, unmarried woman for "companionship". They already have that in their sexless marriage.

Is this an ad?

Thanks for both replies. You’re possibly both right - the PMs haven’t exactly been flooding in!!

(not sure what it could be an ad for, puzzled by that).

I am going to put the flip on this: when you were married, how would you have responded to your husband spending time with one woman exclusively? Particularly if that woman had asked on a womans forum but immediately taken things 'solo' and hidden?
Sorry, but what you ask for is completely wrong. Find some single men near you, not married men anywhere in a country (because lets face it, Ireland is a big old place).

I think if I refused to have any sex with my husband for years and years of marriage that I would be relieved if he was content to just meet a woman for a chat now and then. Some men on that sexless marriage thread have also said there isn’t really a relationship with the wife and they’re just staying for the kids sake.
I live in a place with a lively night life and there is no one as single as a married man after a few drinks. Even the ones who start off by talking about their wife and kids will inevitably try it on; to the point that I won’t talk to men on a night out now which is a shame as it’s fun chatting to randos in a pub. What I specifically admired about many of the men on that thread was their loyalty to their wives despite the lack of sex.

There is really no direct correlation between someone's dedication to be faithful and them being in sexless marriages. Truly. There are many-many more different facets of a personality, men and women. Someone in a marriage with plenty of sex can easily be a 100% faithful, and if you think about it, it makes sense, too. Again, this is not a direct correlation... Someone getting sex every second day at home could still decide to cheat, man or woman. There are many many different kinds of people... And what you thought is not an accurate filter, I am afraid. Maybe the best idea is to meet "anyone", but be very clear from start that sex is a 100% out of the equation for you.

I’ll put an ad in my local shop window: nice lady would like to meet a nice man to not have sex with!

If you're looking for nothing more than friendship then why do the men need to be in sexless marriages? Can't you be friends with a happily attached man?

Absolutely yes, in theory. I was friends with a married male colleague going back 30 years but I’ve cooled the friendship off as he tried to kiss me one night. I don’t find men are very good at platonic friendships so gave up on the idea of them. Until that thread where men are openly stating how they would never cheat on their spouses, despite the lack of sex, and it struck me as lovely.

Even the most loyal of men can be tempted and if the both of you are in sexless marriages and pursuing a "friendship" I can guarantee you it'll turn into more. But you already know that.

Honestly op, not to be an arse but I think some of the men posting saying they're in a sexless marriage and they wouldn't cheat on their wives may only haven't cheated as they haven't had the opportunity to!! If you came along and struck up a 'friendship' purely based on the fact they are unhappy in a sex less marriage then they may indeed be willing to risk cheating if they think they have a chance of it remaining strings free and secret. I am confused by your want to seek these men out specifically for a friendship too. For me personally I'd be thinking to avoid those when looking for new friends not actively seek it out! It just has disaster written all over it. Why try and involve yourself in people's marital issues as a single woman?? If you want friends then seek friends out but targeting men who are unhappy in sex less marriages specifically seems really strange, sorry

Fair enough. Thanks for the replies.

Whilst I have no reason to doubt your situation, the way you have written your explanation has my spidey senses tingling.
If someone sent me this sort of message directly, I'd be changing my passwords and getting new bank cards issued.
Single men are widely targeted by romance fraud and, rightly or wrongly, a single woman actively looking for platonic company from men in sexless marriages on the Sex board stands out like a sore thumb.

If this is really what you're looking for, I think you need to come at it from a different direction.