New partner of 3 months.....

[LifeAt4067]

We are still getting to know each other. He is 51 and I am 43. We dont get many chances because our weekends with kids are opposite at the moment but that will change soon.
I feel I am wanting it more than he does, I instigate it more, I am trying to not put pressure on and keep things relaxed. Sometimes we are both tired and just want to snuggle but I feel I am putting too much pressure on how we should be having sex as much as we can...
Is this normal after him being single for 5 years and me being single for 3 years?

3 months in, sex is usually every opportunity isn’t it?

Commination, communication, communication!
You both need to understand each other's needs and that's only going to come from open,honest conversation.
There is no right or wrong amount of sex if it's right for both of you, but if there's an imbalance and it's important to at least one of you (you wouldn't be asking if it wasn't importantto you), it needs to be addressed.

In my experience, he maybe / likely to be anxious or suffering from erectile dysfunction

It is very common for men at his age …. but equally there maybe many other physical of psychological factors at play.

I think you should carefully and sensitively talk to him about it…… possibly on a relaxed weekend morning

At that age I suspect ED! If he can’t talk about it get out of there!

To suggest a man has ED because he wants sex less than a woman is utterly preposterous and serves only to reinforce negative gender stereotypes. It's like suggesting a woman who doesn't want sex must have vaginismus.

If he can have sex - then you can ignore the ppl talking about ED of course.
if might be that his sex drive is not as strong as yours ( this could be an issue in the longer term)
it might be that he is uncomfortable imitating or it might be that he doesn’t want to pressure you in any way

try asking him if he is happy with the current amount of sex 🤷🏻

Without clear communication with a partner both a man with ED and a woman with vaginismus would appear to not be interested in sex.

Either may actually really fancy it, but have a medical and/or psychological issue making it tricky. The result is both they and their partners are missing out.

Given that the partner is posting on here we can assume the frank discussion they need has not been forthcoming, wether that’s “I can’t keep up” or “I can’t get it up”
and the partner cannot respond appropriately.

He could be overdoing being a gentleman who doesn’t want you to think he’s using you for sex after being single for so long. You need to have a chat about what you both want and if he’s hesitant you’ll probably need to be very forward. I was a bit like that when I first met my good lady, she told me to just go for it and she’d tell me if I was trying to go too far. We’ve not looked back since then, she likes me taking the lead. Until she cracked a joke about chastity cages but that’s a different story 🤣

How often are we talking here? A 51-year-old cannot orgasm as frequently as a younger man.

I'm not sure why you're not suggestion the OP's partner has been sexually assaulted, is insecure abiut his body image, is taking bromide, or is weighed down by guilt about extra-marital sex. All would be equally valid assumptions. Yes, he might have ED, but there's no supporting evidence.

I would assume it’s more common than the alternatives you suggested, some of which would contribute to a lack of interest in sex. Happy to be corrected if you have supporting data but I would think the ED scenario the most probable in an older gentleman, and one of the easier possibilities to fix if he were ameanable.

Thanks for your replies. So at the beginning I was thinking ED but the past couple times its been ok. It has been 2 weeks since I last stayed over due to having kids on opposite weekends. He did comment the other day and said he cant wait for saturday night and it has been too long.