He can’t get hard enough for sex

[1CL]

I’ve been with my partner for a few years. However, he can’t get hard enough now for sex. It’s been a year since have had sex. He can get semi hard and come through oral but I miss sex. He denies there is any problem and just says that I am too good at oral.

I’m starting to dread going to bed with him because it’s just too disappointing and I’m getting to the stage where (and I know this sounds awful) I’m desperately trying to keep his penis hard and I am starting to get bored.

i just want to have sex! How do I get him to accept there’s a problem? When I told him that it had been a year since we last had sex, he told me to stop exaggerating.

Shutting down conversation and denial are certainly not good starts to any openness around intimacy and sexual satisfaction. It's interesting that he denies there is a problem, even though he cannot maintain erection. Is he embarrassed? Unwell? It's unfair that he is not taking your feelings and satisfaction into consideration at all. That is not a good sign. I would have a honest conversation about how this situation is making you feel and see if he is willing to see a doctor, make lifestyle changes or go to sex therapist together. Sadly, you cannot make him see there is a problem until he wants to. Do you see it as a dealbreaker? His lack of sensitivity alone would, for me.

I'm a man, an old man at 79 and I find it hard to stay hard.
There are many reasons for me why this does not matter mainly as my wife is very unwell so sex is not going to happen.
When this started I asked a local pharmacy about viagra or similar drugs and got good advice, will he ask?
It will be a difficult conversation but tell him how much you like his cock inside you and want him to enjoy you.

I am sorry @1CL , any man who is completely unable to acknowledge the problem is way too immature. It is even worse that he flips it over on you and says that you are the one overreacting. In his mind he surely knows that there is a problem, he is just too proud, stubborn, immature or dumb (or a combination of these) to have a conversation with you about it. He has to get to a point himself where he opens up about it, but that would be a certain level, first and foremost, he needs to be honest with himself, and go and have himself checked out to find the reason..
Try to have another conversation with him.. maybe start by telling him that he doesn't need to respond until you are finished, to make sure he doesn't shut down the things you have to say. Explain to him that you are adults, he is not less of a man for having something, a lot of men do, but putting his head in the sand will not solve it. He needs to understand that this in the long run will have a negative effect on your relationship (or it already does), and that you don't have to be there holding his hand when he talks to a doctor, and has himself checked, if he is so conscious about this..

No need for embarrasing in person conversations, superdrug.com does the business.

I am getting to the point where it feels like a bit of a dealbreaker to continue as we are. I feel awful because clearly this is not something he wants to happen to him. But equally, there are easy solutions and he’s not considering my feelings or wants.

Thanks everyone.

He is being incredibly selfish! He can go on line and order Viagra to be delivered in 24 hours , no face to face contact.
Its equally concerning he doesn’t want to pleasure you I can only imagine even when he is hard it’s only about himself , and I’m saying this as a man

"I am getting to the point where it feels like a bit of a dealbreaker to continue as we are..."
Of course, naturally @1CL ! This is an issue that is problematic from so many angles. Not only is he a child about his own health, he is not able to do anything for your sake. I am not one to suggest leaving easily, but in all honesty, sounds like you would be better off without him like that. It is crazy how he is behaving. I would let him know that this is actually becoming a dealbreaker, and see if he's willing to do anything, and if not, you have your answer and you would know what to do..

I’m in my mid seventies and my partner still wants sex, she is in her 60’s. Sometimes when I’m hard it’s like being a youngster again. Other times I get hard but don’t stay hard I therefore change to oral and masturbation. I always ensure my partner has multiple orgasums during masturbation, which she does and we have sex every week.

Don’t give up heart, sex changes as you get older, therefore find new ways of having sex.
My partner gets better and stronger orgasums by masturbation than PIV and I enjoy seeing and feeling her orgasums.

As others have said it’s not an uncommon issue unfortunately, especially in older men and you’d be surprised how many men don’t seek help.

However; there are so many treatments available to help most men ( I’d estimate 75% ) both physically like rings and VED and pharmaceutically like PDE5’s like Viagra and cialis, both of which can be bought discreetly online either branded or the generic names ( tadalafil and sidenifil which are much cheaper)

I was in my early to mid 30’s when I started getting issues, to the point that I couldn’t have sex. It was soul destroying , especially being so young but I was determined not to be beaten and to have a healthy physical sex life again.

it took over two years, trying every medication known to man, seeing half a dozen urologists and travelling up and down the country to see them but I got fixed, because I wanted to be fixed but unless a man wants to get better no one but themselves can make it better.

@1CL your man is in denial, if he’s blaming the oral, and citing that there isn’t an issue, withdraw the oral and see what happens. Tell him you want PIV, not oral and if he still can’t muster an erection hard enough then maybe he’ll realise there is a problem and he can’t shunt the blame on you or anyone else.

I have been in this situation and he didn’t seem to think there was anything abnormal about it. He was not the sort of person who would have wanted to seek treatment. It stopped me wanting to do anything anymore as it’s such an ‘anticlimax’. I’m not saying penetration is necessarily the be all and end all but dealing with this is something I couldn’t be bothered with.

How old is he? Do you have kids, a mortgage? Would it be devastating to split?

If in a committed, long term, otherwise good relationship with kids and shared finances etc then yes worth encouraging him to get to the Drs. Get B/P checked, blood sugar etc checked as these can cause issues. If he cba doing that and you aren't financially and otherwise tied I'd consider your future.

Always worth asking if he wanks frequently? Men on here get a bit touchy bringing up the overdoing porn thing but if he's had a quick wank and then attempts sex unless he's under 40 i doubt he'd get far.

Life's too short to be forced into a sexless relationship imo.