Relationship masturbation etiquet

[Bingbingbongboo]

Name changed as not normally one for the sex forum. For context, married, 2 kids under 10.

Happily married for 15 years. Think our sex life is pretty normal. Once a week max but occasionally when busy lives more like once a month.

Last week husband had taken kids to school and run home. When he returned he went for a shower. I took some washing upstairs as he was gettimg dry and noticed he had an erection. This idnt unusual particularly if he showets first thing.

However, to my shock he asked if i would help him sort it out. Thought he was trying his luck so i smiled and said no. However when i said no he asked if he could have 2 minutes to sort himself out. He had never done this before. I said 'oh ok' and left but obviously looked shocked.

He asked me later what the etiquet was for this. He said he would like to masturbate more (but would rather have sex if i were up for it more) . However he said either me or the kids are always around so he never gets chance. I even walk in to brush teeth when he is in shower . He asked if id mind if he occasionally did it before bed or in shower and i just left him to it.

Is this normal ? How do others approavh this. To be fair due to busy lives he doesnt get much me time. Am i just a prude?

Typical man he even told me its good for him so he should do it more. Men and their willys!

Why doesn't he just lock the bathroom door???

The bathroom is a great place for some privacy if needed. We both still masturbate and are fine if the other needs to go for a quick wank to take care of things.

Bingbingbongboo

Can I ask have ever actually mastrubated mutually together to a point of you both climaxing ?
Do you find mastrubation uncomfortable
I wonder if this is deeper and takes you out of your comfort zone

Thanks all for replies. We have mutually masturbated together but i see this as partner sex rather than solo madturbation. Given i wasnt up for it he was just going to sort himself out on the bed with me in the house sorting the laundry which in my bool was different as solo fun was more private.

I guess i need to be more understamding. Ive not got the highest sex drive and we are open about most things.

Looking at other threads some other couples have fewer hang ups. If he wants to have a wank in his own bed when im in the (child free) house i guess its no big deal .

I remain of the view tgis wouldnt be how many couples live their lives.

I'm amazed this hasn't come up before. Give the poor guy some privacy, it's much more comfortable in bed than stood up in a shower.

He said this and i agree! Whilst shower possible i guess it wouldnt be my first choice either. Few on here suggesting he locks the door but i guess its not the same

I’m honestly not digging you out but I’m honestly saying from a man’s point of view it’s almost humiliating he is so desperate and in need of physical contact he is standing there fully aroused asking to please help him relive his sexual frustration but rather than you see this is an issue you are asking others if his solution is acceptable.
I see this as a massive call for help
If you are unable to adjust or at least try I’m fearful that in the long term your marriage will not survive
I guess only you know how important that is to you
As long as you are able to look back in the future and acknowledge he did try to tell you and you were unable the change or help that’s fine .
You just don’t want to hear “ I did try to tell you “ from him .

How you deal with this is no one's business but the two of you so I wouldn't give much thought to what's 'normal'. Given the private nature of it, who knows anyway. But yes, it's healthy and reduces the risk of prostate cancer and it always feels nicer with another person.

I'm a bit uncomfortable here that you are dealing with the literal question rather than his actual unsaid question that he posed. No one should be having sex or performing sexual acts if they really don't want to, but I'm not sure "go in the bathroom and lock the door" is the answer he deserves here.

I hope the original poster has seen this thread,
www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/5184660-caught-bf-masturbating-using-my-knickers-and-i-feel-a-bit-weird-about-it

Whilst i know views on here dont mqttee for our relationship, we do need a way tp manage differimg sex drives. So back to the question before. What camp do you fall in

1. cool wife- partner can and does masturbate whenever they want imcluding with them near andnot joining in

2. understanding qufw - knkws it happens but dont want a view or to know

3. not understanding not on my watch!

Just wanting inspiration to manage my situation

Your situation is you are a weird prude, your husband is sexually frustrated and your marriage is headed for some serious trouble. Go get therapyo

Be inspired to find a solution that works for you and your husband.

It doesn't matter what I, or anyone else, do.

I had a similar situation recently, whereby I came home from work early to find DH masturbating in the bed, watching porn. We’ve always been open about it, but never seen each other do it. I just shut the door and said I’d come back in a few minutes. We had a chat and a bit of a giggle after, no real drama at all. I have also realised I need to make more of an effort with our sex life, and as boring as it sounds, we have scheduled some nights where we try to prioritise sex.

I don't think people voting on this would give you a representative conclusion here. We live in an age of "yas queen, get your dildo, and air-suction toys to get pleasure", so in contrast labelling men who masturbate as something to be weirded out by is not exactly ok. Masturbation itself is not a problem. Everyone is welcome to. Sure, there are off-shoot topics stemming from here, like unhealthy use of porn, etc, but in this case we are not talking about it. I would change my angle if I were you, and would look at it as open communication, the alternative would be to sneak around your own spouse... That is hardly positive.

This is sad . absolutely sad .
We have one life . He chose you .
Nice work . Covenant of marriage - read it again you need to

Surely the laundry could have waited and you could have hopped in with him?

The fact that you are resorting to asking AI rather than speaking to your husband makes me think your marriage is doomed.