Is this too much???

[PaulRevere]

(sorry, a bit long)

I don't think so, but I'm second guessing myself and don't really have anyone else to talk to about this - maybe I need to be more candid in real life.

So I've been single for a year after my boyfriend died, and a few months ago I started having sex again, not interested in a relationship. I've met a handful of men, acquired a FWB and have been chatting to various others - have been very upfront with everyone that I'm not exclusive, and am obviously staying safe!

It's turned out, just by the vagaries of everyone's diaries, that I've currently got planned:

• a hook up on Friday with bloke A whom I haven't met yet
• a walk (with dog, probably chaste) on Saturday with man B with whom I have previously been to a comedy gig but nothing else has happened (but I would, he's very attractive)
• I've invited my FWB (C) over on Sunday
• and on Wednesday I'm going to visit D with whom I have previously had sex and that's the plan again.

I wasn't really thinking about this all happening at the same time when I was making arrangements! I sort of feel like I should feel a bit awkward about it, but I don't, but then that in itself is making me question myself. Tbh I've spent large amounts of this past year wondering if my reactions and behaviour are normal or a bit mad, so this is just a continuation really.

Anyway. Don't really know what I want to hear, just trying to get some thoughts in order. Maybe I should have put this in Relationships but didn't want to get sex-shamed.

I'm not a 'sex board regular' but it sounds like you're happy, everyone knows where they stand so there's no issue that I can see.

The only thing I'd say is that you feel you might have been 'a bit mad' this year. I think you need to think about your self esteem and your mental health - are you in a good stable place where you're making positive choices that you're not going to look back on and regret? If so then crack on. If you're not sure then maybe slow things down and concentrate on yourself a bit more.

Totally agree with this! After my marriage ended I had lots of fun - once or twice ended up with similar to what OP describes. Fun times! You'll be smiling all week, enjoy.

You have the decency to let everyone involved know about what they are in for, I'd say that's something not everyone is decent enough to do. As long as everyone knows what is what, and nobody gets hurt or lied to, there is no such thing as "too much". You are the only person who can determine what is a lot for you. Hats off to you for doing it the right way.

as long as everyone knows about everyone else- what’s the problem?
men ABC&D are probably all seeing lots of other women anyway 🤷🏼‍♂️

Oh well that's true, the lack of expectation of exclusivity goes both ways! Don't really have any idea of A's situation; B is married (open marriage) and they both see other people; C - well, I met him at a swingers club and he's a regular attender; and D told me he'd been a monk since last time I saw him. But yes, I am/would be very happy for them if they see other women. It was them all coinciding within a few days that made me stop and think.

But A has just messaged to say he can't make Friday, and I'm feeling kind of relieved, so I guess that's answered the questions I was asking myself. Will be a bit more mindful in future.

You're being honest with everyone.

I remember having this season post marriage. Like you, I thought I should be more bothered by seeing lots of people.

Enjoy, have fun and keep safe.

As someone who has been where you are there is no right or wrong way to try and navigate grief and getting back out there. Just stay safe and don't judge yourself. You are doing amazingly well in an awful situation.

Enjoy it but be prepared for the men to get possessive. I had this issue when I was seeing a handful of men. They hated not being the only man who satisfied me

A long time I ago was in a similar situation with 3 partners (they were all fully informed and happy about it) and have since had very little sex in the last decade. So I'd say enjoy it while it lasts! Being lusted after is very satisfying and one day you'll look back and smile. You're also giving yourself time to heal after your bereavement without depriving yourself of the fun stuff.

My only question is how you're feeling uncomfortable about it if you've been going to swingers clubs?

(Isn't it funny how we're all so supportive of a woman with 4 partners, but would probably tear a man to shreds if he asked the same question. 🤣)

the lack of expectation of exclusivity goes both ways!

of course it does - why would you think any different?

??? I don't think any differently 🙄 - I was agreeing with your previous comment that they're probably seeing other women anyway. I hope they're all having lots of fun!

My only question is how you're feeling uncomfortable about it if you've been going to swingers clubs?

It was partly the level of social interaction that was playing on my mind - as @tangtastico noted upthread, I'm not in the best place right now and the effort of talking to people (the horror! 😂) can be a lot. And then I was also getting myself tangled up thinking, "well I don't have a problem with having sex with different people in a short time period, but maybe 'society' would frown on it, so maybe because I'm not quite right at the moment, that I'm missing something, that I should somehow be realising it's wrong". And I realise that is ridiculously convoluted 😂

👍

I’m in awe! I can’t find one that I like enough to have sex with let alone have four on the go 😆 I am cursed by my high libido and high standards - where did you find them?!

I feel your pain! 😭

It happens, I'm playing badminton tonight, Saturday and next Tuesday through bad planning. Oh my knees are not looking forward to it! 😞

😂😂😂

Mostly found on WAX (we are X), via the chat groups.
I think my standards for sex are very different ("lower" sounds so judgemental 😂) from my standards for a relationship 😁

Enjoy!

Make hay while the sun shines. Like buses. They all come along together.