AIBU?

[querygh]

How would you feel if your partner revealed to you he is into women who wear X in the bedroom (think fetish type stuff). Even though you have quite a vanilla sex life that feels very inconsistent and not necessarily what you would feel lends itself to this. It’s made me really insecure as it feels that this particular desire obviously comes from porn or experiences with other women. I don’t feel confident enough to fulfill this desire when our sex is irregular anyway and when we do have it, it’s missionary, no surprises or adventures etc.

I’ve always struggled with body confidence anyway but this just feels like another standard I can’t meet and it makes me feel he’s obviously fulfilling this desire over porn when we’re apart :-(

Do you have any desire to wear X? Would you like the confidence to be less vanilla? Have you told him the answers to these questions? His response would determine if he’s a safe, responsible and loving person to explore with or a bit of a prick!

Depends what stuff “x” is. Some I would, plenty I wouldn’t. I’m quite open to trying stuff having said that. You never know if you might like it!

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to though, even to please someone else.

Based on what you've said, neither of you is being unreasonable.
He's allowed to like X and you're allowed to not to. But that assumes neither of you is turning it into a fight and shaming the other for their desires. (Beating him with the porn stick is not helpful.)
It does suggest that neither of you is happy with your sexlife, and that is frequently indicative of other problems in the relationship.
You both need to accept eachother and try to find some way that your both happier.