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He turned up at 4am and initiated sex but I wasn’t happy

5 replies

Babybirdmum · 20/03/2026 23:39

When I was at uni 11 years ago I dated a guy who I’d invited back to my halls once and cuddles/kissed/dry humped (cringe!) but noting more. I’d told him I wanted to wait til we were officially together before sex as I wasn’t into FWB. Anyway one night he turns up at my halls at 4am after a night out, it put me in an awkward position as he lived far away so I reluctantly let him in. He got in bed and we kissed/cuddled like before. I was sort of on top of him kissing him, next thing I know he moved my nickers aside and put his penis in me. I was on my period so definitely didn’t want it then. I immediately said no. I felt annoyed and slept on the couch. Obviously he listened to me say no and was a bit ashamed after. I told my mum and she Was annoyed at me for the situation saying he’d obviously think that was ok because I let him in my bed. I could see her point but I think I’m not going to report him or anything but I felt what he did was a bit shitty.

OP posts:
Error4O4 · 21/03/2026 02:00

I don't think you have moved passed this and ofc that's nasty what he'sdone, but is there anything in particular you are after by sharing this story? As in do you need advice, support?

CowTown · 21/03/2026 02:28

Your mum is wrong. I had plenty of dry humping fun in my uni days, but was waiting to have intercourse with “the one”. An invitation to your bed for a make out session is not an invitation for intercourse.

It sounds like he did it not only without consent, but without protection too.

You did nothing wrong. He is at fault for his actions and your mum is promoting victum blaming falsehoods from Rape Culture.

Patchworkquilts · 21/03/2026 07:49

You’re clearly still upset by this.
Have you tried talking to a therapist or counsellor about it and how it affected you?
Do you realise penetration without consent is rape? Yes he stopped, but he never should have done that in the first place, it is rape what he did. And what your mum did is victim blaming. Neither of those 2 is ok.

StarlightLady · 21/03/2026 08:01

Patchworkquilts · 21/03/2026 07:49

You’re clearly still upset by this.
Have you tried talking to a therapist or counsellor about it and how it affected you?
Do you realise penetration without consent is rape? Yes he stopped, but he never should have done that in the first place, it is rape what he did. And what your mum did is victim blaming. Neither of those 2 is ok.

This!

Lugol · 21/03/2026 11:06

Error4O4 · 21/03/2026 02:00

I don't think you have moved passed this and ofc that's nasty what he'sdone, but is there anything in particular you are after by sharing this story? As in do you need advice, support?

Yes she is processing it.

OP there is a reason you are processing it now and that you feel like this about it and that is completely valid and for a good reason.

Your mum is wrong.

What he did was rape.

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