Managing menopausal libido when partner is impotent after cancer treatment

[Clarissa62]

How do I curb menopausal urges for sex with a partner that's had cancer and is now impotent.

Please be kind. Partner was diagnosed with a blood cancer nearly 2 years ago. The cancer plus treatment has meant sex has gone completely for approx 3 years and I'm 45 & have raging sex urges at times. I'm so fed up. Have thought to leave him it's got that bad but there is always something stopping me from doing so. I'm not an awful person just the thought of no sex ever again is dreadful.

We've tried sex occasionally but it's really stressful & flat so it's completely stopped. I haven't been to the doctor's but pretty sure I'm peri menopausal or close to it. Most times i can manage my urges but at times it's so intense it's deafening. I'm definitely prude which doesn't help. I have one vibrator which is overworked and underpaid.

I’m sorry to hear of your partner’s illness and the consequential outcome. Has he discussed this with his doctor, maybe something can be done?

Would oral only sessions help you along the way?

Hopefully you are both thought the worst in terms of cancer and the treatment and perhaps time to rebuild your physical relationship.
Firstly has your husband lost interest in having sex ?
Is there a physical reason as in he is unable to maintain an erection?
Im guessing you have always had a much higher sex drive even before the cancer ?
Have you actually had an open honest conversation and explained how you really need to be sexually pleasured.
This can sometimes stimulate the other partner especially if they become aware how much something there are doing to you arouses you so much .
Have you tried Viagra and have experimented with toys together not just solo .
Ultimately he needs to want to find a solution to something as important as this or potentially this is a deal breaker for you .
Im guessing he is embarrassed which is understandable and perhaps lost his confidence but it’s all about communication with each other .

Sorry to hear about your partner. Best is to communicate with each other, if everything in a relationship has been gr8 and always supported each other then sex shouldn't be the only reason to divorce your partner. Think about it other way round.
Good luck.

Some men can cum without an erection , don't let him give up .

So sorry to hear about your partner- obviously the good news is that he is a cancer survivor.
What is the actual issue ?
if he cannot get an erection and more - there are wearables he can fit into

or is more that the treatment has affected his sex drive and he no longer desires intimacy as these are 2 different things