Waning sex life with child in our bed and partner distant

[Catloverlady]

waning sex life here. Complicated lives.
10 year old sleeps in our bed as he’s not happy alone. We have tried everything and exhausted all options - sleeping with his siblings, sleeping on our floor on inflatable etc. Sleeping beside him. We have now ordered a large bed for his room
and we will move there once it arrives but it’s weeks away!! As he will be asleep in our bed (previously OH and mine now sons and mine :/) and won’t notice then.
OH sleeps in spare room as he has snoring issues and gets up at 5 every day to workout so doesn’t went to disturb me.
works a full on job very focused on work. He rarely WFH on occasion we have that opportunity but other than that nothing, nada.
Im feeling a little frustrated as I know it’s a difficult situation but feels disconnected and unhealthy. Not sure how OH manages denies he does anything but I’m pretty sure he must do. I have at times caught him masturbating in the bathroom which I find really uncomfortable and gives me the ick. Always a tricky topic somehow and he isn’t keen on discussing. How am I to survive as a woman with sexual needs ??! Anyone been in this scenario that can share some hope!!Help!!!

are you able to go away for a weekend without the kids

somewhere away from it all and have a good discussion and great sex.

where would you son sleep if you had family baby sitting for example ?

You need to seriously work on getting him out of your room. I say that as a mother of autistic children with sleep difficulties. In the meantime, have sex when he's at school if you happen to have a day off or go in the spare room with your husband while your child is asleep.

Be the parent! He doesn't NEED to sleep in your bed, you are enabling him to. He is 10 years old, not a toddler. He may cry the first few nights, but once he knows the boundary is set and he can't push the envelope anymore he will be fine. You are trying to be the best friend instead. The mantra you should adopt is "hard choices now, easy road for your son later"
Same applies if you clean up aftet him. He is functional enough to learn how to clean up after himself. You are there to guide him.

Do this and your sex life will be fine 🙂

I could not agree more , I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous.
You need a massive parental reset .
Even your suggestion the bed is weeks away is nonsense, beds are delivered is days , it’s all an excuse.
Your uncomfortable with your husband mastrubating in the bathroom what are expecting him to do ? Are you not mastrubating?

Can’t you sneak into the spare room with DH, there’s got to be ways around this. Can you both take half a day holiday. Our DS slept in our room on a camp bed till he was 6, we then did his room out exactly as he wanted and then he slept in there.

I'd suggest you might all benefit from talking to a counsellor. And I mean that compassionately, not critically.
That your child is sharing a bed with you at that age speaks more of your needs, as a mother, than of your child's needs, and the reasons for that may be complex. It is unlikely to be good for your child's ability to function in conventional relationships as they get older. It's obciously not good for your own relationship, which must surely be having an impact on your own mental wellbeing. And if you get the ick because your OH is masturbating when you don't share a functioning sexual relationship, that in itself needs addressing on a couple of fronts.
So much to unpack in your situation, and I hope you can find a way to be objective about the problems and solutions.

first of all, be a parent and get your child to sleep in his own bed. Unless there’s some massive back story, a 10 year old CAN sleep in their own room. Yes they might be upset at first, but surely you don’t give in any time your kid is upset? You’re the parent and you should be able to lay down ground rules.

secondly, why are you not popping into the spare room or the bathroom with your hubby for some cuddling? Why on earth do you have the ick at your husband masturbating? You could have suggested joining him and pleasuring each other!