Why do I never want sex

[Jellybeans87]

myself (F,29) partner (early 30s M) have been together 7 years and have a toddler. Every aspect of our relationship is great, usual bickers but nothing major. Except for the physical side, I have no desire to have sex with him since dd born. We've had multiple discussions around it but can't seem to improve. He would every day if he could but for me I just have no desire to have sex with him to the point we try and sometimes it just feel weird like having sex with my best mate I just can't get into it. We're currently averaging ever 2/3 months. We've tried being more romantic, more date nights etc but I just can't seem to get past it. Is this recoverable? I feel so unfair to him, we used to have a great sex like pre dd.

You don't need to improve.

How much of the physical and mental work of looking after your toddler and home does your partner take on?
Do you feel like you have time to yourself, to be yourself?

This is a difficult situation to be in @Jellybeans87 . When you say "since our DD was born", what does that mean time-wise? On the surface level - let's remove sex out of the picture for the sake of the question - Do you find him attractive as a man at all? Do you have frustrations or things you are unhappy about with him?

I suppose this is why I'm so confused because he's helpful, supportive, takes on his fair share- although often needs reminding, but is happy to things after, which is frustrating as I feel like I'm the one constantly thinking for us all- although he's improving. He's a good man and I think maybe I'm the problem I don't know.

time wise- almost 2 years. In the beginning I put it down to hormones etc and I now I'm thinking how long does this go on for. I do find him attractive to look it but when comes to anything sexual, even a kiss it can sometimes just feel uncomfortable for me. I wish it was as simple as I'm attracted to him or I'm not but I just can't figure it out. Or is this just normal in a long term relationship? But I'm not even 30, I think this should be the years we're doing more.

Definitely not necessarily happening in long-term relationships, ideally intimacy lasts, especially given your age, too. Not saying it is multiple times a day like when people just got together, but it should definitely still be part of a healthy relationship.. Been together with my wife for almost two decades, I am close to 40, she is right behind me, 38, and we still have an amazing sex life.
I hope you don't mind me asking, it is not me trying to be too personal, but it is a sex-related question on a sex board, so, I am just trying to get an idea of what you are dealing with - But do you do anything sexual on your own, like masturbating, or do you have moments when you feel like in the mood at all, taking your husband out of the equation? It sounds like it would be worth doing some digging with a therapist of some kind... Because to me, there is some mismatch in finding him attractive and him being a good partner vs intimacy and even a kiss being unpleasant. Would you consider that?

Hey @Jellybeans87 do you think it could be that you are overwhelmed by touch by your child? What I am clumsily suggesting is that pre child, you could enjoy your body sexually with your partner, but now the dynamic has changed. I know that after kids I have felt like my body is not my own and at times when DH tried to initiate sex I have been turned off as I just didn’t want to be touched anymore, and like my body wasn’t my own. In my situation, my DH’s view of me changed from wife and sexual partner to mother of his children, who he couldn’t view sexually.