Frustrated that I can’t finish properly anymore

[frozenOver]

Not sure what’s going on with me, but the past few months I can’t orgasm properly, either with DH or by myself with my toys. I’ve never had the easiest time properly finish but I used to! Now nothing, except small tiny feelings. Sex still feels good and I still want it with DH but I also want to feel the type orgasm that feels like proper relief instead of the ones that means I want to keep going long after DH is done. Even trying to keep going with toys isn’t helping. I end up stopping out of frustration of it being just out of reach!

I dont know if my ADs are suddenly affecting things (Flux 30mg for 4 years) or something else. I have reduced my drinking but I don’t see how that could be affecting things in a bad way! I’m not peri, I’m in mid 30s.

The one thing I can think of is that I’ve been reading sexy fiction a lot over the past 2 years. It started as a way to want sex again after motherhood kicked my arse mentally and physically. But maybe my brain is in overload? Honestly I’ve been decreasing the spice level of my books just because it’s what’s I want to read atm, more romance than erotica, but maybe I need to stop totally? Or try stopping my ADs totally? Something else? Anyone else been through something similar?

I think since you've been reading "sexy fiction" and I am assuming it's something you enjoyed and turned you on, maybe subconsciously that's what you want and craving so the "normal" sex you are having is not doing it for you. 3 things I can think of, either try stop taking the medication and see if that works. 2 have a chat with your partner to see if you can act on some of the things you've been reading to try and spice things up a bit. 3 maybe watch some scenes of similar things that you have been reading whilst going solo and see if that works.

I strongly suspect the AD. I had rubbish half O on them in my late 30's and early 40's. I'm older than you- post menopause, no longer on AD and use books, HRT and testosterone to keep me interested. If you can i would wean off the AD and see if things improve.

I would also definitely think that the AD medication is the cause and something to look into maybe to change, if possible. I've seen similar medication (Sert) have similar affect on my husband who usually can't finish now, which has actually been a blessing in disguise for me.

Thanks. Can ADs have this side effect after long term use? It wasn’t a problem until the last months and I’ve been on the same dosage for 4 years.

I was wondering if my reading was impacting things but honestly it’s pretty ‘vanilla’ but maybe what could have done is distorted my expectation (subconsciously rather than consciously!!) of what my Os are supposed / should feel like. Something for my to ponder over when I next have a drink.

I'm not a medical professional so can't offer any specific advice other than our experience. For my husband, the effects first happened or were noticed after only a few months on ADs, so it may be strange them would pop up after long term use, but things do change so best to check in with a medical professional for this.

For my husband he did check in with his doctor after around 4-6 months, once the side effects were consistent. For my husband this was his lack of orgasm, or very delayed at the very least, some reduction in his sex drive and noticing he had no urge to masturbate. His doctor advised these were all very likely related to the AD's and they could look at adjusting medication if the side effects were causing a problem that could not be tolerated.

The AD’s would be my guess.

I don’t know how they effect women, but for men they are known to effect libido loss and ED in some ( a lot of cases ) - it wouldn’t surprise me if they had a similar effect on women although I can pinpoint why it’s only a recent thing for you. The

Check your B12 levels. Lack of sensation and weak orgasms were what led me to find mine was low. Just below ‘normal’ range of about 300-900. I feel much better at the top end. If you’re vegetarian or don’t eat much meat or fish you could be deficient.

When so many people get hung up on "chemicals" in food and the machinations of "big pharma", I really don't understand why there isn't an outcry about the rise in proscription of psychotropic drugs. We moved away from Mothers Little Helper a long time ago, but that approach seems to be back in fashion.

There's no shortage of discussion about how antidepressants negatively affect libido and not enough about how good sex can have a positive impact on mental health. In your shoes, I'd be talking to the GP about coming off the medication and trying something like counselling or exercise instead.

I doubt the erotic fiction is a factor, but I don't subscribe to the idea that porn causes ED either.

@SnowflakeSmasher86thats not something I’ve thought of but I’ve had B12 deficiency several times over the years. My levels from a blood test a few months ago were around 300 so on the lower side, it might be time to book a B12 injection at my local pharmacy.

Yes definitely look into that. You can get sublingual drops if you can’t or don’t want to get an injection.

@SnowflakeSmasher86 Thanks for posting about B12 deficiency. I shall look into this because like OP. For me all sex has become 'dulled' over the last few months. I have changed my meds which were a low dose anyway for a slight improvement.
But my solo performance went off after Bellessa.com pulled out because of the online safety act😒.

I’ve been on AD’s for several years on and off and I find this too, for me it definitely numbs all the senses unfortunately.

Had a difficult spell recently and have been wondering if I should go back on them but that’s actually what’s putting me off.

I don’t recall it when I first started taking them, or maybe I just didn’t notice as didn’t have much interest in sex at that time generally due to depression.

Do wonder if it’s longer term usage that does it.

I’m sorry to hear that @Back21970. I’ve been in a very low dose so I decided to come off them as I feel better now. Last time I came off them I only lasted a month before going back on them as it was a rough time. I’m not against taking them in the future but I’m hoping coming off them now will make a difference.