Are bi women and a bi men not equal?

[exhaustDAD]

Just off the bat: I am not here to spew hate, judge, etc. I just like thought-provoking discussions.

I wonder what all of you think. In another thread where women were discussing looking for discreet ways of exploring their bi-curious sides I asked if it is about being married and finding "discreet" ways, or whether I am misreading the situation.. While one nice MN-er responded that she thinks most of them are separated like herself, I did get a private message telling me off for being judgmental, because, and I will quote here "...Experimenting with bisexuality for married women is ok, it's not the same as cheating with another man..". I searched up other threads discussing bisexual topics, I wanted to see if it's a norm I was not aware of...and there was one where a man was asking if women would be ok dating a man who is bisexual. The vast majority said no.

What am I missing here? This is so confusing - is the norm that it's fine for women, even if they are married because at least it's not another man?

Before I get personal attacks:
Yes, I am man. No, I am not a bisexual man. Yes, I am happily married. No, I don't have kinks regarding the topic (trust me, I would openly admit it here for the sake of a good discussion, haha ). Yes, I think everyone has a right to prefer whatever they prefer, no judgement. No, I don't think it's ok to cheat, just because the other person is is from the same sex.

First of all, good for you @HappyHumpDay . Happy it works for you. Happy it is a need that can be met because of who you married - I mean that.
Second, I will thank you if you don't put words in my mouth or decide how I feel about things myself. Ironically labelling me as short-sighted and judgmental is pretty judgmental in itself.
If you took time to understand my points, questions and thoughts, you'd see that I have no problem, not a single one with anyone living in a setup like that. You clearly fall out of the category of people I was questioning - the ones that do this BEHIND the husbands' back. You are clearly not that. Which is great. Someone being bi? great. Someone exploring intimately behind their spouse's back and it being encouraged just because it is with the same sex (while men who do the same - seeking intimacy outside marriage are immediately demonised)? DEFINITELY not great.
I hope it made it more clear.

You must have a very strong marriage. Although this sort of arrangement wouldn't work for me I can only admire that you all make it work and that you're all happy.
From a practical viewpoint you must be masters of logistics. How do you do it? Two partners each, how do you divide your time?
Please feel free to ignore my questions, stay happy, it's more than a lot of people can manage.