I'm an older virgin and I have been thinking about trying to find a male escort

[verylatebloomer]

I’m a 28 year old woman who is a virgin. I was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum a few years ago. I have had no dating experience or had any physical intimacy with a man. Never kissed or done anything else. I would very much like to experience sex at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later. I’ve been becoming increasingly curious about sex, partly because it’s a very normal and natural thing to want to experience, but there are a few other reasons why I want to. Exploring self-pleasure with toys has made me even more curious about actually having sex with a man. My desire to experience it is very strong indeed. I wouldn't say I think about sex 24/7 (who does?) but I certainly think about it several times a day.

I have thought about how I would like to go about having sex for the first time. I would like to find a man who I find attractive and also feel safe with. Then I want to do each of the things I haven't yet done. I want to do passionate kissing, oral sex (giving and receiving) and then intercourse itself. I would actually like to get to the point where I'm comfortable being naked and intimate with a man, and touching and kissing each other for a while, even if we don't have sex right away. So I have been thinking about trying to find a male escort. I wouldn't know how to go about this though or if it's even a good idea. I'm wondering if anyone has any opinions or advice for me regarding this.

I don’t think making sex transactional is going to help you become comfortable with intimacy. I think you need to develop a relationship slowly with a man who is patient and can work at your pace. I am male, so my view may be wrong, but this doesn’t seem to be the answer

Whilst you may experience the physical elements of using a male sex worker you'll omit the human connection side of intimacy, which the autistic mind will also enjoy, with the right person.

Why not try creating a very open profile on a dating app - I'm sure you'll get offers there, try Feeld, the benefit of an an app like Feeld is that it gets rid of the social intricacies of "courting" and can be used to cut to the chase of seeking someone compatible purely for sex which as an autistic person you may find a game changer.

Are there really many men out there who want to take their time developing a relationship with a woman before having sex with her?

Wow. Yes there are

I'd echo the person who said starting with transactional sex involving payment really isn't the best way to begin to learn intimacy. It also risks complicating things if you develop strong feelings for somebody you've paid for your first sexual experience in your late 20s (quite likely, I suspect).

I'd also feel uneasy with somebody who's a virgin plunging into a site (such as Feeld) that has a huge variety of weird and wonderful sexual variations on offer. I reckon you need criteria for discernment, and some idea of personal boundaries, first. These are best learned by starting with somebody patient whom you know and trust.

I'd say the best place to start might be with a trusted male friend who'd be up for a 'friend with benefits' type arrangement. Or one of the more respectable dating sites – I've personally found Hinge and Bumble best. Meet a few people, see how you click with different guys. Only become intimate with somebody who feels right for you, and you find respectful.

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm male.

Firstly I would say that being 28 is not in itself an 'emergency' requirement to get laid.
Can you not engage with any woman friends to act as matchmaker for you? Have they no brothers or cousins needing romance?
Learning how men and women meet and go on dates will be as much fun for you as your first encounter.

The OP hasn't actually mentioned wanting to develop a connection with anyone. She simply wants to experience the sexual side of her.

On that basis - happy to be corrected by OP if that's not the case - then I can see why she would go down the escort route. You have someone who will most likely know what they're doing. Yes, it's a job to them but they'll be happy to teach.

I can't imagine there are many men out there on dating apps who are willing to become teacher. Most of them are only looking to, as they so nicely put it, pump and dump. Then there are the married ones who definitely won't want to put any effort into taking their time.

As for possibly falling for the escort that's been paid for - as you say @MrRee - it's likely. But she could also fall for that trusted male friend - the FWB - the guy who thinks he's just in it for a bit of fun. That opens another can of worms.

I'm sure there's plenty of men who would be happy to help the young lady
it would be a great turn on to be with someone wanting learn and discover and so open minded

I would that not paying for his 'company' would make the experience far nicer for you

My issue with this - especially using an app - is there might be someone who sees this as an opportunity to push someone who you could call vulnerable into situations she doesn't want to be in.

I'm not saying the OP isn't able to stick up for herself but it's certainly something to take into consideration.

The OP just needs to be careful how she phrases her hopes

Like there aren't people out there who are going to take advantage regardless of her hopes.

I think the OP sounds like she knows what she wants and doesn't seem to me to be particularly vulnerable, which people often assume is innate if a woman is autistic. As another poster said, she's very much talking about sex acts, rather than a romantic relationship—you don't need a romantic connection to enjoy sex, first time or not. (Relevantly, I'm also autistic and I've found that myself and other autistic people I know are more likely than my neurotypical friends to experience romance and sex as completely separate.)

IME Feeld is a wonderful way to meet sexual partners. It helps that many of the users are also ND/ASD and so there is an ease of communication that I did not find with, say, Tinder. State clearly what you want and you'll find people to meet those needs. Or hire a sex worker as per your plan A —it's your sex life, your choice. You have the best sense of what will work for you.

I think Feeld is a good shout. It tends to draw in more open minded alternative types without it being just a sex hook up site.

Have you ever come across the book called The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang @verylatebloomer You might relate to it - worth a read.

I think you would need an emotionally intelligent and emotionally mature man to help you with this.
I also think an emotionally intelligent and mature man would be up for this.

I hope you find someone suitable OP. Take your time.

Make sure you use condoms even if you are using other contraceptive measures, OP. The last thing you want is a sexually transmitted infection.

A lot of men will tell you sex is better without condoms. Maybe it is, for them; as a woman, I find they sometimes improve it. And they are essential to prevent STIs.

Good luck!

There’s a man that does intimate massages that someone posted about on here. Maybe that could work? He talked through boundaries / experiences etc first.

Was he called Brian?

No clue I’m afraid but I had a quick look and there’s loads of them! Who knew

Yes, there are! My DH and I waited 4 years before having sex. We were both virgins. Those 4 years were very "slow burn" with our relationship, not even going beyond kissing and cuddling for the first year, fondling eachother's "bits" started after a year, then oral a year later. I didn't have sex with my first boyfriend before him and we were "together" several months and never went beyond kissing, and no, it wasn't lack of sex that broke us up - he was also willing to wait but we broke up for other reasons.

🤣 I expect he's retired now.

How many PMs have you recieved to date?