Postpartum sex drive

[roseandstay]

Not sure if it’s advice or reassurance or opinions I need so hit me with them all!

I am a mum of two, baby and a toddler. Breastfeeding my baby exclusively as well.

Since having my baby a couple of months ago, I am just not in the mood. I don’t remember feeling like this with my first born. In fact, quite the opposite. I For context, he was emergency C-Section and my 2nd born was a VBAC natural delivery with stitches and a tear. We have had sex a few times recently and each time I’ve found it uncomfortable, I thought it would feel better by now and although not agonising or painful, just discomfort and wanting to be left alone. DH initiates sex and I feel guilty because Im never up for it. It’s not that I’m not up for it in that specific moment, I just never am in general. I feel awful because I feel like I’m never in the mood and I don’t want my DH to take it personal. In addition to all this, I’m still carrying most of my pregnancy weight so I don’t feel myself and spend most of the day with a baby hanging off my nipple but I feel like only other women will know that feeling of not wanting to be touched amongst all of that. I want the connection with DH and that quality time so why do I feel like this? Does this get better? Will my sex drive return? Is there anything I can do to help stop feeling icky with physical contact?

Didn't want to leave you without a comment or advice!!

I've been through this exact scenario op, had my DD 2 years ago and before then I had always been a very sexual person. Me and dh have always had a really good sex life but after the baby was born my labido disappeared, the breastfeeding, exhaustion and weight gain hugely affected me.

It is totally normal to lose interest in sex after giving birth because of all the hormonal changes, plus I also had a vaginal birth and episiotomy which meant penetration felt really painful. Even though you may be healed in medical terms that doesn't mean your mentally and physically ready for actual sex yet. It took a whole year until my husband could fully penetrate me and then another six months until it felt really pleasurable again.

After I looked into it I realised I probably had a lot of internal scar tissue which can take a long time to heal, plus it has to be able to stretch back out in order for sex to feel comfortable again. So in order to help the process I started using my toy either with my dh or alone, to help the stretching, it was painful at first but overtime it improved. We also tried different positions, as I found some were much more comfortable than others.

Finally, something we found really helpful so we could still be intimate together without actual penetration until I was ready, we would mutally masterbate together (over time my labido started to pick up again so things felt more natural).

Try not to worry op, this is just a season of life that will pass, the most important thing is for you and your partner to communicate about your needs and fears. Find different ways that work for you both, you don't have to have traditional sex in order to reconnect sexually. Mine and dh's sex life is back now and better than it ever was before!! Hope this helps!! Oh and remember a good lubricant is your best friend!!!

Oh my goodness! You’ve just had a baby following vaginal delivery with stitches and a tear. I had that with my firstborn. There is no way I was ready for sex just after a couple of months. Give yourself time to heal. Your husband needs to respect that! You also have 2 children now, which is a massive increase on demands for you.

Plus, factor in all of the hormonal changes you’re going through right now. It’s normal to feel like this after having a baby. You will get better and get back to your normal self. Hopefully, your husband will accept this and help you to recover etc.

Oh, and breastfeeding (especially exclusively) is extremely tiring! My kids are 22 and 18 now and I can still remember!!!

Go easy on yourself!

Reading this and finding it very useful. My labido is zero and feeling frustrated/angry/upset/guilty that my partner wants to have sex with me I’m 4 months pp.