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Confidence in the bedroom guy said I’m lazy

8 replies

56brumm · 18/01/2026 22:01

Hi, I’m 39 I have battled with confidence issues for many years.

when I met my longest relationship he use to tell me when we were young teens I was rubbish in bed or didn’t know what I was doing.

when I hit 30s we separated.

I dated a guy the sex was amazing and I found my confidence. But he turned out to be a not so nice man.

I have dated two other people.

the guy im dating now we have been having amazing sex. He has told me for months it the best sex he’s had mind blowing and so on.

over last couple of weeks tho he is now said a few times that im lazy. I’m not, I engage in many different positions granted he does do more. There has also been a couple of occasions we he has said he’s done all the work when I asked for it again.

I am unfit so when I’m on top my legs hurt after while but other than that I’m very confident in all ways.

im now simply losing confidence because I don’t understand how it can go from best sex he’s had to I’m lazy and he does all the work. I have said well what can I do and he’s not give me any constructive and just says I’m joking.

is this a red flag been dating for around 4 months

OP posts:
SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 18/01/2026 22:48

You know that it has NOT gone from being the best sex he’s ever had to being lazy mediocre sex. (Also it’s not about who does the most “work”. You’re not loading the dishwasher. None of it is supposed to feel like work).
He’s either just not that into the relationship anymore or he’s got a list of things he wants to try so he’s tearing you down so you’ll agree to more extreme sexual acts that he is going to request. Either way, not someone to be trusted with your feelings or your body. Sorry OP but I think you should get out while you still have some confidence left.

56brumm · 18/01/2026 22:50

Yeah he keeps asking me to try Anal and I’ve told him no he always asks constantly I keep saying no.

OP posts:
kingofthedark · 18/01/2026 23:10

56brumm · 18/01/2026 22:50

Yeah he keeps asking me to try Anal and I’ve told him no he always asks constantly I keep saying no.

If he is asking for it all the time then it’s time to ditch him.

Sorry to say it sounds like he is a very selfish lover.

BlueStrips · 19/01/2026 05:47

The moment someone makes you feel bad about yourself is the moment you walk away.

ChocolateBiscuitandaNiceCupofTea · 19/01/2026 07:33

I’d get rid of him. He sounds awful!

PinotPony · 19/01/2026 17:59

4 months in and he’s making you feel bad about yourself? Huge red flag. Time to throw this one back.

ChocolateBiscuitandaNiceCupofTea · 19/01/2026 19:01

🚩 🚩 🚩

moderate · 25/01/2026 13:18

I agree with all the other posters that you should leave this man. And work on those leg muscles, but bear in mind that there are plenty of positions with you on top and him doing most of the work!

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