Some perspective

Creamice · 11/01/2026 21:07

Not your issue, but maybe try explaining to him (show him what you wrote here) I am the same tbh.

exhaustDAD · 11/01/2026 21:12

Hi OP. You mentioned life is busy, housework, small kiddos - I can certainly sympathise. However, you didn't mention whether your husband is also busy with things, housework, meals, kid stuff, etc, or the type who is out playing golf all day? Do you communicate it to him that you are being swamped, and if so, how does he react?

Original poster

Clip123 · 11/01/2026 21:19

exhaustDAD · 11/01/2026 21:12

Hi OP. You mentioned life is busy, housework, small kiddos - I can certainly sympathise. However, you didn't mention whether your husband is also busy with things, housework, meals, kid stuff, etc, or the type who is out playing golf all day? Do you communicate it to him that you are being swamped, and if so, how does he react?

He works full time and I’m part time but we’ve both been off over Christmas. He is a hands on dad; however I do pretty much all the housework, meals and meal planning, etc. most of it I am happy to do but there’s also the expectation that because I’m part time that I step up and do it all, but it also goes into the weekend where we both have ‘equal’ time but I end up doing all the house bits as well. We’ve talked about it before and just goes round in circles really.

OP posts:

Maidmarrigold · 11/01/2026 21:35

I really don’t understand how you’re not wanting to ride the life out of this catch of a man. I find there is nothing that gets me going more than a sulking man child!

exhaustDAD · 11/01/2026 21:40

Clip123 · 11/01/2026 21:19

He works full time and I’m part time but we’ve both been off over Christmas. He is a hands on dad; however I do pretty much all the housework, meals and meal planning, etc. most of it I am happy to do but there’s also the expectation that because I’m part time that I step up and do it all, but it also goes into the weekend where we both have ‘equal’ time but I end up doing all the house bits as well. We’ve talked about it before and just goes round in circles really.

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Thanks for adding more context, OP. Knowing these, my primary question would be - what would make things better for you, personally? And then, would also wonder- would you like to have a more active sex life/be more in the mood, or you are fine with the amount and just wouldn't mind if he stopped trying his luck so often? It's important how you feel about this aspect - At times when for some reason you don't have your hands so full (maybe kids at grandparents', etc), are you more in the mood? I suppose you are frustrated due to the circles... My guess is that he promises to pick up more things, maybe does so for a day or two, then going back to normal...But let me know if I am wrong, just guessing.

Original poster

Clip123 · 11/01/2026 21:48

exhaustDAD · 11/01/2026 21:40

Thanks for adding more context, OP. Knowing these, my primary question would be - what would make things better for you, personally? And then, would also wonder- would you like to have a more active sex life/be more in the mood, or you are fine with the amount and just wouldn't mind if he stopped trying his luck so often? It's important how you feel about this aspect - At times when for some reason you don't have your hands so full (maybe kids at grandparents', etc), are you more in the mood? I suppose you are frustrated due to the circles... My guess is that he promises to pick up more things, maybe does so for a day or two, then going back to normal...But let me know if I am wrong, just guessing.

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I wouldn’t mind being in the mood a bit more and maybe I would be if he helped out a bit more… but the main thing is I don’t want to be guilt tripped into having sex when I don’t want to and I’d just like him to maybe read the room more? I’ve tried to talk to him about it tonight; the main thing is he feels rejected but I’m not going to have sex if I don’t want to.

OP posts:

rudiger · 11/01/2026 22:13

Clip123 · 11/01/2026 21:05

My husband and I have been together for 10+ years and have two young children (7 and under). Life feels so busy and to be honest I’m hardly ever ‘in the mood’ for sex but 9 times out of 10 if my husband initiates we have sex. We got back from holiday on Friday, we’d been travelling all day and got into bed and he tried to initiate but I said no. And then today my son has had a sickness bug since last night so I’ve been up all night and then with him all day, also doing housework etc and he tried again and I said no. So now he is in a mood with me but I just think his timing is so off? Maybe I’m the unreasonable one, I don’t know. Does anyone else have issues like this?

Oh yeah of course. Bunch of times I have something really hot on my mind and I want to play with my wife but she's in a different place or is stressed or tired or whatever, and it doesn't happen. Perfectly normal. And I'm sure there have been times that's happened a couple times or three times. But it's no big deal; it happens later, and we move on. Her not wanting it in the moment is not her not wanting me and I get that.

If your husband is in a mood with you, let him be in a mood for now. But maybe give him a hug or something; let him know you're not outright rejecting him. And that's probably what he's feeling, rejection. So you make his day tomorrow, or the next day, or whatever. You initiate sex with him. And then he knows you specifically chose to have sex with him. He is very much chosen and wanted then.

You say you're hardly ever in the mood but when he initiates you usually say yes - so that means that for you, though you're not in the mood you enjoy it when you do it. So you might not be in the mood tomorrow or the next day, but just power through and initiate. You'll enjoy it just like you usually do, and you'll repair any damage to his ego, and then some.