I am (38 M) happily married, been together with my wife (37 F) since university. We have a good relationship, raising our two kids, healthy communication, talk about anything and everything, have a great sex life, all that jazz. Full transparency: When it comes to sex, my focus always has been to please (I am not fabricating this to get praise over the internet, just giving you the full picture), nothing gets me going like when I feel that what I am doing feels good for my partner, my wife. I would say her pleasure is way more important to me than mine - and I enjoy mine a lot, don't get me wrong. In terms of kinks, I am fairly vanilla, I am on the level of doing it in the sauna at a spa, or in the forest when we walk, happy to use a toy while I use my tongue at the same time... Fairly average things, I'd say. Having sex usually means both her and me having an orgasm from penetration, and then her having a second/different one using my mouth and hand. Sometimes one is enough, but the norm is what I described.
She says she likes what I do and is happy and satisfied, which is great :) On occasion I did try to ask if there is anything she misses from sex or would like me to do to her, but there hasn't been anything, ever. The other day we were showing each other some silly videos over instagram, one of which was about sex and masturbating, and I asked if she has done that recently. She said not too long ago, but not that recently, either. Basically, I told her with a smile that she could've just asked me to help, as I am always up for it, and just playfully asked what she thinks about when she does touch herself. She basically said it's nothing specific... Fair enough, I thought.
But I guess, this little innocent chat created this mini chain-reaction of insecurity in my head. You see, she is an extremely beautiful woman, I am not in the same category as her, when it comes to attractiveness, let's put it this way. I am average looking, while she looks at least 5-8 years younger than what she is. And I know looks are not the be-all and end-all of things, just giving context to any spark of insecurity in me.
So, I kept thinking... From left and right I can see all these women open up about kinks and fantasies, and my wife is telling me there is nothing she fantasises about, nothing she misses or wonders about sexually. (I realise social media is pretty fake as a whole, but I am factoring in friends we know, etc..) I am not saying that I don't trust what she's telling me, there are no trust issues... I am just wondering... Ladies, is it possible that she is just happy how she is and there is no fantasy that she wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with me? Are there some of you out there who are just happy to have sex with your partners as they are without any special kinks? Or do you think everyone has something, and she probably is not comfortable sharing it for one reason or another? I am just trying to get the female perspective here, I hope it makes sense :) Thank you!