Too jealous for swinging and threesomes?

[exhaustDAD]

I (38 M) had a conversation with a group of guys (not too close friends) about rather intimate things. Long story short, it is about a fantasy one of the guys really wants to make his wife go along with (Threesome), and he wanted to get the view of the friend group. Basically, by the end, I feel like I was spotlighted and the guys tried to interrogate me, wanting me to admit that I am lying. This is why I am here.. to see what people think, if what I think is really so odd and hard to believe...

When I was asked how much I would love to have a threesome with my wife and another woman, I basically shuddered. Apparently "every man" has to have this fetish or fantasy, and I am not honest for not admitting it. I tried to explain that the thought of anyone else touching my wife but me hurts me, I have signed up for a monogamous relationship, and that is how I want to keep it. And then some of the guys thought they needed to clarify things and pointed out that it wouldn't be another man, it would be a woman as a third. I shook my head, I was like "What's the difference?". I mean, it's still another person, for the life of me I can't figure out how some men are ok with their partners having sex with another person, as long as they are other women - it's a human, a person, I genuinely don't see a difference. Eventually I was asked what I would think of a swinging situation where I would get to have sex with others in return for my wife having sex with someone else but me - and again, what are we? 10? Give me a candy so I stop being worried and sad about things? It would still mean something I hate the thought of. So after some back - and forth I mentioned that I wouldn't mind a threesome or a "whatever"-some, if I am the single person being added, the third or whatever. And this is where they basically completely waved me aside, saying that I am just an insecure hypocrite then, that I don't want my wife to enjoy life. So I am confused? Can the two concepts not coexist in one person? I can see myself taking part in a group sex setup as someone added to the mix, but not as a married man with a wife. I also never said I would pursue anything like this behind my wife's back... Why does this make me weird? Is that so much of a norm nowadays? The stupid situation just put this subtle worry in my head that maybe my wife would secretly want something like this (there is no signs for this, but the stupid discussion riled me up a bit)

"Make his wife go along with", he sounds like a definite keeper doesn't he?

Basically these guys are twats, especially the one to wants to coerce his wife to fulfil his fantasy.

I’d be happy to swing if single or 3 somes if i was with a fb who I didn’t give two hoots about.
but as someone who is intrinsically monogamous i have no interest whatsoever in either myself or my wife having sex with other people.
and yes, myself wife having sex with another woman would still count as sex.

Maybe if he does 'make her go along with it' she'll discover she actually prefers women and dump him! Be careful what you wish for, eh?

And as woman I can safely say that I have no desire to have sex with anyone who wasn't my partner - especially one I cared deeply about or loved.

Alas, there are many people who have this fantasy (and also seeing their wives with other men) - and lifestyle - so I wouldn't say it was uncommon but I also don't think you're weird for not wanting it.

Nor would I want to watch my partner with anyone else.

Went to swinging clubs with xFWB. It was really good fun and it didn't bother me seeing him fucking others and fucking others with him.

I'm never going to suggest it to my partner. Not only would it freak him out, I couldn't bear the thought of him touching another person sexually, let alone watching him do so.

I know he feels the same toward me, as another woman was very flirty with me on a night out a few months ago, so I flirted back. He let it play out, and found it amusing in the moment. The open conversation we had the next morning made me recognise how my 5 years with xFWB had skewed my thinking and now I was in a monogamous relationship I needed to redraw my boundaries of what was acceptable behaviour. Partner made it clear he would have been upset if things had gone any further with the woman.

So @exhaustDAD every man does not have this fantasy, nor wants to make it a reality. I feel sorry for your friend's wife as he sounds like the sort of person who'll attempt to badger her into it.

My DH has the same views as you OP - you’re definitely not unusual and although I know it’s a common fantasy, I never really understood why some men/women like the idea of seeing their partner having sex with someone else.

This!

Nothing turns me off more than a guy pressuring or manipulating.

My dp has the same view as you op! And I am so happy about that as I’ve no intention of being shared or sharing my partner! I have a very strong view in this. I don’t hold it against others but this isn’t for us and never will be.

honestly op, you sound like a really nice person who respects his wife and your friends sound like a bunch of manipulative wannabe pimps. They sound gross and I pity the poor wife. What kind of twat hopes he can “make” his wife do something? I’d call that bordering on rape. Please stick to your views and call out your friends on their gross wishes.
(I’ve nothing against the idea of threesomes IF EVERYONE consents AND wants to do that (I’m not one of them) But I abhore men who look at women like puppets for their own sexual pleasure and that’s what your “friend” is doing).

I think you should consider finding new friends. (And please keep a lookout for the poor wife if you do remain friends. Or ask your wife to chat to her about not herself be manipulated into unwanted sexual acts and rape).

Thanks for all comments, everyone. I know my questions may seem like I am fishing for compliments, but it genuinely is reassuring to see that not everyone is so convinced that "there is absolutely no way" a man is not interested in that sort of kink...
As for the guy who you all rightfully highlight being a jerk - yup, he most certainly is. Mind you, these guys are not really friends, more like people I know from work, but I am civil with everyone, happy to chat about anyone's problems... I don't know, I like convos like that more than idle chit-chat about weather :) A little info on this fella' most of you were creeped out by - he is a classic immature person, talks like a jock, but not in front of the wife, knowing that lady, she would only go for something like that if she genuinely was interested. At least, that is the kind of vibe I am getting from her personality, and I hope I am right.

I never got the MFF threesome thing myself. I only have one stick and it cannot be in two places at once. Also I have only one brain and my mind can't really be in two places. And I don't really have any interest in any women apart from my wife. Everyone says this, but my wife really is stunning. Beautiful. Mostly I like getting her off because she has such beautiful orgasms. It's so nice, honestly. Actually for me I wouldn't mind doing a sort of MMF threesome, except I wouldn't like to be part of it. I'd prefer to watch. But not some guy; I'd want someone like a male escort. They would have to be in absolute peak physical shape so I know she would have an amazing time, and I would just enjoy her going to 11/10 for peak orgasm. Kind of like paying for your wife to go to a top spa and have an amazing massage. But he would have to be basically an escort because the moment she orgasms he has to get the hell out of there. No talking, no cuddling, no intimacy and no names, emails, phone numbers or anything. That's my wife. And I'm not sharing her with anyone. But I would be down for her to receive a truly mind blowing experience. I'm not jealous about her orgasming hard, just about her chatting with a guy or having any kind of shared intimacy or forming any kind of connection. But she has no interest in doing that anyway.

Try not to overthink or worry. Whilst a lot of women fantasise about a threesome, it reamins exactly that- a fantasy. And most women are happy for it to stay there. I think most men or women in a relationship would say they’d try a threesome. Does this mean they’ll pursue it? Definitely not. Your partner knows you and is with you, if this was something she’d thought about you’d probably know by now

@DitsyDemi99 Thank you for sharing your thoughts.. There is no worry, in the slightest. I don't think my wife would be interested in such things, that's not what it was about, I was just surprised how a group of people could not imagine me not being interested just because I am a guy.. It's like by default I have to be, haha.

@exhaustDAD You might wish to direct your co-workers to watch Channel 4's Open House The Great Sex Experiment.

Yes I know it's primarily thinly-veiled advertings for the participants' OnlyFans accounts, but it does include men who are much less into MFF threesomes than they ever expected to be, for very reasons quite different to your own.