Life after sex less marriage

[CleverOpalBalonz]

Been with husband for 20yrs, before him only 1 sexual partner - a short fling. Very active with husband at the beginning but slowed as soon as I got pregnant and have only had sex about 10 times in 14 years. I have had absolutely no desire to, I didn’t find him sexually attractive and equally he wouldn’t go to someone to talk about it and work on our issue. After years of trying to leave, we’re now separated and mid divorce.

How do I get my desire back? I want to want to have sex, I think about sex but am scared that I’ll not be very good at it because it’s been so long. And also that no one will want me. I’m not ready to get out there yet as need the divorce through with minimal problems.

i don’t often find people attractive, but maybe that’s because I’ve been in a long marriage or maybe there is something with me? I do have a crush at the moment but obviously can’t act on it and not sure if I would even if I could as I’m not getting vibes back. I do love to flirt though but again, I’m not always attracted to who I’m flirting with.

Perhaps you're not in the right head space at the moment but once the divorce is over and you've relaxed into a single life again and begin to enjoy some freedom the desire may return.
If you enjoy flirting then continue with that, it doesn't do anyone any har,.
Discover what your body responds to intimately by self exploration.
Try fantasising about scenarios you would like or think you would like and see if you respond physically.
Take your time there's no rush. When you're ready you'll know.
Meanwhile perhaps think about finding an experienced lover. Albeit a FB or FWB situation without emotional connection.
If you need emotional connection then you know that is your starting point for a sexual relationship.

I bet you’re realising your desire is absolutely fine (while crushing on mr unavailable 😉). Do you mean how to want sex with others? For me I need to fancy someone to want sex. Emotionally and physically. So I’d just wait for that. Maybe go on some dates if you feel ready? But definitely don’t rush into sex. And personally I think a FB with no emotional attachment sounds like terrible advice 😂 why not have sex with emotional and physical attraction?!

As above and also have a look for erotic fiction that turns you on. Literotica is a vast library of erotica for every every taste but be sure to check the subject won't shock you before proceeding. Online chat and sexting is a great way to explore with a "real" person but totally anonymous. It can get very intense with a creative partner. Again, proceed with caution as not everyone is what they seem/say. Any furtuer questions just post it and someone will answer .
Good luck with the divorce.

Thanks for the replies so far. It all feels so daunting because I feel so inexperienced having only had 2 partners and also having had no sexual desire for a long time. Yet I’m still young and want to have sex.

I’ve started reading erotic fiction and have definitely been enjoying that. Where would you recommend for looking at online chat?

i definitely don’t feel ready to date yet or look at a fwb situation but maybe that will change once the divorce is sorted. All my energy still feels pretty drained but I am also really looking forward to my future so want to prepare myself now.

i have a few nights out planned for flirting etc.

Do you really want to help some old man who is either married or can’t pull in real life have a wank?! You’ll have them queueing up if you do!

almost as if these weird suggestions are coming from men who hang out on mumsnet sex board!

Gotcha. Maybe not then. Thanks for the reality check