Why are my family upset I want to remain single and virgin for life?

[paige8039]

I'm.35 in london, I lived with my parents until 30 and I was able to buy my property in cash and I live alone and I've never had a partner and I'm quite open to share that I'm also a virgin and will always be a virgin. My family look down on that but I'm quite happy. They're catholic and they believe in marriage and children. I believe in being quiet alone. I am am very active going to the gym every week and I get loads of attention but I'm not interested.

I understand people choosing to remain single. I’m mystified though, why anyone would want to live a sexless life in their late teens, let alone 30s. Is it a case off l’ve never done it because l don’t like it?

But I’m even more mystified how anyone could have been a first time buyer and cash buyer in London 5 years ago.

I think each to their own and if you don't feel like that you're missing out on some of the varied experiences of life then, that's fine.

I'm blown away that you were a cash buyer in London though. Well done!

I can't imagine it's just a case of looking down on your choice I imagine it's also concern. I know you say you are happy but if you were my child I'd be sad for the experiences you haven't had, relationships and sex can bring a lot of joy. I'd also be concerned that you will become lonely, maybe you aren't now but my concern would be for the future when as a parent I wasn't around.
All of these feelings they have will come out of love for you and wanting the best for you.
If you've managed to buy a property in London for cash by 30 were your twenties a solitary existence? How much fun have you had, you mention you go to the gym but do you have a friendship group and a social circle?

😂... I thought exactly that.

I must say I'm intrigued.
Single, living alone, not wanting a man, etc etc YES O.K.
But remaining a virgin?
🤔

There's more to life than sex and relationships. They can bring a lot of joy but they can also bring a lot of unhappiness and heartbreak.

I think it's fairly well reported that less and less women (and perhaps men) are choosing to stay single and sexless. You see it on threads in 'Relationships' - women, married and happy enough but mainly all saying the same thing ... if it all ended tomorrow they would be more than happy to be alone for the rest of their days.

You do you, OP. If you're happy that's all that matters.

There is a huge gulf between being single and living a sexless life. One does not lead to the other.

Regardless.... the OP doesn't want to have sex and wants to remain a virgin. If that's what she wants, I don't see the big deal.

I won't have another relationship but I also don't want casual sex or hookups either. It just isn't for me. Maybe casual sex and hookups aren't for OP either?

l agree it is no big deal f that is what she really wants. But no woman is an island unto herself, and she has invited comments, plus her posting on here may just suggest something different.

I'll give you some thoughts on the direct question "why are my family upset..." and assume that you are engaging positively in your choices when it comes to sex life.

I think there's a simple reason many in your family will puzzle. The same reason several answers in this forum are puzzled: sex is a major human drive, a factor of health for many, and a source of joy and connection with people they love. When told your choices, people think of their own lives, and feel that as they'd miss it and find it hard, you must also miss it and make the choice negatively - out of fear, pain or psychological unease. They worry about a life for you without this joy.

Then, specifically for your parents, they must be thinking about it with their experience of parenthood. Being a parent is a transformative experience. For me, I remember the joyful sleepless nights of early days and being exhausted, excited and never wanting to look back. I remember reliving my own childhood experiences with my children and it's a powerful experience, much more than sex. My own children will not have children, for other reasons, and it took me a long time to fully accept this.

So your family could be struggling to empathise with your choices and believe they are positive, be concerned that you are suffering / struggling and that would be the reason for your choice, and saddened that you are not just giving up sex - but also parenthood, two life experiences that were special for them.

Where to from here? To reconnect with your family regardless, you need to show them that it is a positive choice, and that in other ways, you enjoy life and its experiences, you are connected and happy, love them and to share your life with them.

Of course, if you also struggle to get out of your house, can't travel, have extremely few friends, no professional life... That's a bigger story. But sex is not the main problem then.

A family member many years ago decided to join a religious order. Their mother was very upset, and later on admitted that part of this was that it might mean no grandchildren or fewer ones.

Could that be a reason?

Have you ever fancied anyone (man or woman) before or fallen in love OP? I’m not sure I’d want sex if one of those things didn’t apply. Hard to say for sure as I’ve not really been single for long in my adult life, and always develop crushes etc that make me want sex!

I think it’s easy for people to worry when it’s something that feels important to them, they will see it that you’re ’missing out’ but ultimately they should only worry about your happiness.