Tell me how to make sex better…

[Sachinda]

I entered an arranged marriage in Summer. Neither of us were virgins, we were very upfront about that and agreed it didn’t matter. We ‘dated’ for about 6 months, but didn’t have sex. The spiciest antics were masturbating in front of each other. The problem now is the sex is so, so bad. No matter how much I try to coach him or talk him through how to touch me he can’t get it right. He don’t know oral on women existed and again he can’t get his head around what to do. We have been very frequent, 5-6 times a week… he is content but I’m left frustrated every time. I can’t tell him other lovers were better, and he can’t seem to learn after 4 months…

Can anyone offer advice on how get him better without hurting his feelings?

Slow down, move away from the "sex" focus on touch and being intimate together, learn each others sensitivities, kiss, hold, smell, touch. But no sex. That can come later.

Whether you both have the discipline for this is another matter.

Slowly masterbating in front of each other together and adding commentary of how it feels, sound like it could be a start for you both as you've already done this.

Go tantric.

DW and I had very limited experience before we met so we leaned off each other over a long period of time. I think sexual compatibility is learned and the idea that you just 'click' or not is a myth. It's all about being generous and paying attention to what your spouse wants.

All I can suggest is be absolutely honest about what works for you and what doesn't, and make him practice. You have time and commitment- use those things. There will be some things that neither of you will master but that needn't matter.

Thanks for the responses. You’re right @Catullus5 , just need to work on it. Just a little frustrating when he’s doing something well and I’m telling him that’s it, don’t stop and he stops. We will keep practicing!

I think as long as there is lots of chemistry and attraction and patience you’ll both get there!

There's a column I love in the Guardian called 'This is how we do it'. It's how various couples ... do it, and it's an example of how creative people can be once they get beyond shame and get beyond the idea that there's a right or wrong way of having sex. And by that I mean the myth that good sex must include certain things (e.g. oral, HJs, various positions or the various well-known kink things) or else it's not good sex. As long as there's consent it is really down to the two of you. You practice on each other, try new ideas, invent your own crazy ideas, discover what you do well together (and what you don't), play with each other and make each other feel great.

You could see a sex therapist/sexologist

Get him a sign in to OMGYes..? One time purchase rather than subscription. Sounds like the sort of education he might need.

Thanks you @macshoto he used that website and well, learnt a lot. I am a much happier woman as a result.

@Sachindathat’s great to hear - glad it worked. Did you have a look at it too? It’s a really good resource - quite educational!