Intense sexual attraction

[Chicken2025]

Hi
I've worked at my current company for nearly10 years and when i started there was a guy who i found really intelligent and attractive but did nothing. There was always some chemistry but i never acted on it.
Fast forward to now, i now work very closely with him. We're both massive nerds and he's softly spoken, gentle and so similar to me. Physically he's not typically handsome and he's my height. But we both have developed this intense intoxicating sexual attraction. We went out with work and both of us were nervous wrecks trying to hold it together but it's just electric. I don't know what to do. I want him so badly and i know he does too. It's unsaid but so powerful.

Has anyone else experienced this and what happened? What do I do? I can't stop thinking about him.

Regardless, you need to end your current relationship, because let’s face it, it’s not really a relationship at the moment.

Speak to a solicitor about how you get all your ducks in a row before speaking to your husband about divorce.

This chap at work is almost a separate issue. Of course most of us have had intense sexual attraction- for the lucky ones that’s been with their long-term partner. Remember it is just hormones you are feeling, don’t let it ruin lives. Is he single? If not, stay away.

If he is single, once you’ve triggered an official break up with your husband, you will be free to explore without guilt.

What I would add is; are you sure this guy at work feels the same way? I’ve spoken to lots of women who project their fantasies onto men who barely even know they exist or were just ‘being nice.’ If the chap made it very obvious he was interested on the night out then talk to him about it. Go for a safe, daytime coffee in a public place. You can find out his situation and explain your own. It’s amazing how effective the cold light of day can be in shaking off tipsy flirtations.

My fear for you is that the fantasy is just too delicious to give up, especially if you’ve been starved of affection. You need to get real
about it now.

Great advice.

With all due respect, this actually has nothing to do with this man. This is entirely to do with your husband, and your marriage which has obviously collapsed and you need to get out because abusive behaviour is never ok, you deserve better, you deserve to be married to someone kind and respectful and who wants to sleep with you and vice versa. You're subconsciously seeing an "out" in this man that fulfills all the things your husband isn't doing for you (emotional connection, sexual connection, kindness, intelligence, good conversations etc).
Do something or don't do something with this man, it's irrelevant. If you were happily married and fulfilled then you'd go "Oh that's interesting, I get on really well with Carl" and think no more of it, but you're so desperate to leave your husband (whether you consciously know it or not) that you're attaching a lot more to this connection than you normally would. It's a convenient fantasy that you can pin all your hopes and all your unfulfilled desires on.
Stop fantasising and deal with reality. Leave your marriage and then find someone you click with, who has these qualities (maybe it'll be this man, maybe it won't) but first you need to get a divorce, get yourself happy, get home life set up and settled for your children and then worry about who pushes your buttons sexually. Maybe he is perfect and the connection is real, in which case, it will wait for you to be ready. However, remember this man won't be perfect and you can't expect him to "save you", get yourself set up as a happy single person and then look into it!

Completely agree with this.

Men who emotionally abuse their kids mum, are, guess what, not good fathers.

He’s not a good father. Good fathers don’t abuse their children’s mothers.

You need to leave your unhappy relationship first. Do you have funds/possibility to do that?
And I think you deserve to be happy, including exploring options with this man, if he feels the same way.

Your children will learn how to behave in a relationship by what they witness growing up. Do you want them to learn that a “normal” family consists of parents who sleep in separate rooms and are emotionally cutoff from each other? They’ll be the same when they are adults because that’s their normal as kids.

If your marriage issues cannot be resolved, you need to leave. I appreciate the religious difficulties with doing that but you won’t be the first JW to seek a divorce.

The colleague is a distraction from your real problem.

A man who is emotionally abusive to his wife is not a good father and the children are also victims of said abuse by default, it doesn't matter how little they are.

Your married so of course don't have an affair. You should definitely end your marriage though and once you're healed you can then explore the thing with the work colleague.

You may well find though that after you've properly healed your thoughts on the matter will have changed a lot and you're no longer as intensely attracted to this other guy as you once thought you were.