Just not so easy now

[Hubby2]

Everything was fine, me and my wife probably had sex at least once every couple of months sometimes more.

Then when we were being intimate she made a comment that made me feel awful. It was her tone she used at the time and the fact she did not listen to me at the time. That night I felt used which sounds weird I know but I just felt like she was chasing her pleasure which never came. I did tell her at the time I wanted to stop but she insisted trying for a third try. And it's affecting me still now. We talked about it a few days later.

First of all she tried to dismiss it and say there's nothing wrong with me but I assured her that I was seeking further help maybe counselling for myself I dont know.

After 3 attempts going to the doctors and trying viagra which didn't really have the effect I wanted, it just really solve anything for me and barely does anything. I got a referral to the hospital, still waiting .

I never had problems getting an erection before at anytime but now do I'm now 38

From your brief description it now sounds as though it is psychological rather than physical.

Thank you for confirming that, I appreciate that.

Did the doctor check your HbA1c? Erection issues can be a first sign of diabetes.

I'm sorry you were hurt at a vulnerable moment. I've been on the receiving end of a careless remark during sex, and I've also unintentionally been the perpetrator and upset my partner by saying the wrong thing without thinking. It happens, but it's the talking about it afterwards that is most important I guess.

First, sex every couple of months isn’t very frequent at all. Is that frequency enough for you without frustration that leads to masturbation? If it is, then I’d suggest looking at your testosterone levels.

Second, it’s not completely clear from your post, but it sounds like you had an issue after a rather fraught and unenjoyable sexual experience with your wife in which she made a hurtful comment. Left unresolved, it’s not surprising you can’t get hard easily after that.

Viagra won’t make you erect if you’re not in the mood. It’s not a magic drug that makes you hard regardless of how you are feeling. It sounds from what you’ve written that the issue is with your relationship… work on that, and once you’re genuinely relaxed again with your partner, then the erections will likely return.

Work on your relationship, and don’t think viagra is a fix for that.

If you ultimately can’t relax around your partner when it comes to sex, then you need to seriously considered ending your relationship.

Completely agree, but a psychological issue arising from a relationship issue, where fixing the relationship would resolve the psychological issues, which in turn would resolve the erection issues.