Anyone else happy with but crave a bit of kink?

[Thesnappyone]

So just that really! Happily married in almost every way. Lovely man with a nice healthy sex life. But there are more kinky things ive done in the past with other partners that husband not into. No problem never want him to do anytning hes not comfortable or turned on by. But my god does anyone else have days where they wish just for a few hours they could turn back the clock and have a partner use them in a certain way for a few hours! Its not make or break for marriage or life for me but miss that feeling

I'm the opposite way around to this. Hubby told me early on his our relationship about his kinks, and I endulged them in pillow talk. Then couldn't go through with the reality so it took a back seat, then we came back around and I finally found the confidence to endulge him and loved it.

We still have an imbalance, where it's on his mind 24/7. But for me I like our kinks as special occasions.

Have you thought about maybe introducing them in another way that would take the pressure off? I'm guessing by your first post it's more kind of BDSM where you are submissive? Could you not maybe just watch that kind of porn together? Or maybe even go to an event where you get to see other people putting on that kind of show? Something like Torture Garden - very big and mainstream.

Although I have many good female friends I can't really talk to them about sex - so I'm grateful to be able to come on here and open up.
As I've got older I have become more adventurous with the OH and in the past year one of the best things we've discovered together is DP - OH goes in the front door whilst I have a sex toy in the back door so to speak
Or the other way round
Anyway after a particularly enjoyable session he asked me if I had ever thought about doing it for real
I must have looked confused and said I thought we were doing it for real but he said he meant with another guy rather than a sex toy
I'm not sure if he was testing me or not but he did look shocked when I said I hadn't thought about it but would be up for it

We haven't mentioned it since but I cannot get it out of my mind

I wouldn't ever consider it with any of his friends and I don't really want to become a swinger
I have thought about suggesting to him that we could hire a male escort - I don't want him to think our relationship which is fantastic would be threatened - it wouldn't involve emotions - it would just be a "business transaction "
As an alternative I have also thought about getting a female escort and for her to use a strap on - I quite like this idea because although I have never been with another female I would quite like to try it once before I go to up to heaven lol
It wouldn't even bother me if he had sex with her as like I said it would just be a business transaction

I really don't know if I should just leave things as they are or bring the subject up again - I'm all confused now and sometimes I wish he had never mentioned it

There has been an interesting development with this fantasy of mine

Becx1994

Have you discussed it again and dh is willing to give it a go?

I would almost a female wanted to do to her

I’m quite libertine when it comes to the bedroom, but l wouldn’t regard anything l do as “kink”.

Happy New Year Folks xxx
To cut a long story short me and OH share a laptop - I was on it the other day when I found out that he had joined a website called Adultwork- I wasn't snooping btw !
I was shocked and thought he had been seeing prostitutes so when we went to bed I took the laptop with me and showed him what I had found
He was very sheepish at first but then showed me why
He said he had only joined after our conversation because he thought I was serious and had contacted a few male escorts - he showed me the messages he had sent them and the replies
I said that I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to go ahead with it and maybe we should just leave it as a fantasy
We spent a while looking at the profiles and we decided that we could try it as a one off - if it didn't work out we could just go back to normal and put it down to experience
I said that if we were going to do something like this then we should do it properly and meet a couple so he could have an experience with another female as well ( and I could lol )
We looked at the couples profiles and sent off a few messages - afterwards we had great sex !!
The following day we had some replies - we deleted some of them because they were offering unprotected sex !!!! but eventually chose a couple who were close to us but not too close and they were just a few years younger than us - they had included their phone number so I called them

I was nervous as hell as I dialled the number and a female voice answered - she sounded very posh and educated but was also very friendly
We actually spent about 30 mins talking - I explained that it was our first time doing something like this and she was very understanding
We discussed what me and the OH wanted from the meeting and she assured me it would be fine and a lot of fun
She told me that her husband and her had been in the very same situation about 3 years ago - they had been abroad on holiday , gone to a nudist beach and seen couples having sex in front of others which they found exciting
When they got home they decided that they had wanted to broaden their horizons and had gone to a swingers club - at first they had only had sex with each other in front of the other members which they found exhilarating
but after about 6 months they started involving others - that's when she realised she was bisexual
Last year they decided they would go on Adultwork - although they didn't need the money it was a nice bonus.and they only did it part time as a bit of a hobby Most of the time they would be asked to meet single males which was fine but they did prefer couples.
She explained that the secret to enjoying it was to seperate your lives into 2 halves - the first and most important half was the loving relationship between you and your partner and the second half was about going out and exploring life

Anyway we have arranged to meet next Sunday afternoon lol
OH and I are both very excited but nervous as well !!

Congratulations @Becx1994 have fun! Feeling very jealous you have a DH who will explore x

Enjoy! Sounds like you two are taking all the right steps and exploring safely.

My one tip... even though you've agreed, remember consent is fluid. If either of you get cold feet even after you've met the other couple. it's ok not to want to go through with it. If you do, I hope it's amazing and the start of lots of adventures.

Are they charging you?!

@Thesnappyone - If you ask yourself the question, do you think leaving it as is, and not exploring this fantasy or kink you have will be a compromise that you could live with indefinitely? Or maybe years down the road you'd feel sad or frustrated that you never have?

@Becx1994 Good luck to you, I hope you both will get exactly what you wish :).. I would just say, make sure it is something you both 100% want, and it is not something either of you just decide to be ok with. I know two marriages that broke over unexpected sorrow over seeing the other person having sex with someone else. One of them actually had a similar ground rule - "trying it once, and if it's not for us, we'll not do it any more" - But what they didn't count with is the fact that you can't just reverse the experience, and the lady in question just couldn't erase the image and pain of her hubby with another woman. I know some people are built differently from others, for some people, sex is the ultimate form of intimacy reserved for one person, for others, it is just playtime, and could be purely transactional, as you said... And mind you, I am not trying to yuck anyone's yum here, I just feel better writing this message, in case there is any doubt or worry there for either of you

Yes - we are paying them "for their company"

@exhaustDAD
Thanks for your concern and we are aware of the dangers
We have talked it over and over during the last few days and are 100% committed to going ahead - OH was a virgin when we got together and I would absolutely love him to be able to experience another woman before we are in the retirement home lol
Much to my shame I was anything but a virgin when we met - yet he was still able to come to terms with it and fall in love with me

@Becx1994 I would just say, there is nothing shameful about you not being a virgin when you met your OH. I hope you don't really think that :)

Well - does 7 previous partners in 3 years count as being promiscuous even if 4 of them were one night stands ? LOL

For some it may count as promiscuous, for others it wouldn't. I know people with way higher numbers in a 3-year period. But it hardly matters wether it is or isn't, at the end of the day. If both OH and you are happy together, have accepted each other just as you are, it matters not. I am standing by my original point - absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

I think as long as you enjoyed yourself and it was safe and consensual, then you shouldn’t beat yourself up or be ashamed about it. I certainly wouldn’t judge…😉

As others have said, if you enjoyed yourself what's there to worry about?

I won’t use that misogynistic p word. But the number does not sound high to me.

Did you get value for your money?

Yeah I know what you mean. I've had a fetlife account since before I met my wife. I have a rule on there these days; I never talk to or interact with anyone because I love my wife and I'm not the type to form an intimate bond behind her back. But I join groups, and I do comment in discussions about things; I just don't DM anyone or respond to DMs, or comment more than in general terms.

I have certain things I'm mildly interested in, and a few things I have a deep interest in - what I have a deep interest in can change from time to time. If I suddenly sat my wife down and listed every thing I was curious about or wanted to try or whatever, it definitely would not all be on her bucket list. Most of it might not be. She's great, very sexual and has toys she bought by herself before she met me, and she has fantasies. And we are growing sexually; we explore our fantasies more as we grow together. And I don't rule out introducing her slowly to one or two of the things I sort of like. But I find having fetlife is a great 'back yard' for me to exercise my mind, and explore ideas that I can't yet bring to the table.

That sounds like good experience! It’s good you had lots of partners and some one night stands. It shows you love sex, you love doing it often and you probably know what you like with your body. My wife is like that and she is completely amazing in bed. I wish I could have met my wife 10 years before I did just so I would have been with her 10 years more… but we found each other at the right time. But yeah, a woman who enjoys sex is a solid bet as a wife

Yeah I want to do that with my wife. She has a fantasy of dp. But I don’t want to take part; I would hire two escorts. Guys who go to the gym all the time and look good. Should be a treat for her, something she will really enjoy and have a really strong series of orgasms from. I love it when she climaxes and I would love to watch, and make a video for us to enjoy later. Has to be hired people because I don’t want any flirting or exchange of numbers or social media, or small talk. They can appear, be the fantasy, and then cease to exist.

I often describe my fantasies to her when we are playing and it turns her on so much, she comes hard. At the moment she thinks some things are best left as fantasies, and I'm not sure I disagree with her. But who knows.