Should I continue living like this?

[Ejs890011]

I wanted advice I have been through this situation at least 4 times during last 6-8 months.
husband ask if I was in the mood last night while cuddling on sofa. I said I wasn’t tired. Then tonight we were cuddling on the sofa again he asks if I am in the mood. He had already got naked on the sofa while we were cuddling. I said I wasn’t. Considering we had sex last Monday. Then he proced to put his pants on and says that he is cold and feels sick and tired and going to bed.
I said oh no hope you have a good sleep and feel better.
then he proceeds to send me this:
“Lovely cuddle with you. I’m so run down with a lot of things. . I do my upmost to care for you both but I am just so so down. I’d love to be able to talk to you about it but on some things your as hard as nails! Where as I’m not. It’s very difficult to speak to you about things when feeling upset with some things. My biggest issue I believe is me! I try way way too hard sometimes I think and maybe take a leaf out of your book and just be my self and not try so hard. “

then he comes downstairs saying I don’t care then he says he wasn’t even in the mood but we aren’t close anymore.

then he says am I only with him for convenience. As he brings most of the money when I am on maternity leave.
then he says it’s always him making the effort and I don’t bother

like I don’t know what else to do. Always the same whenever I say I am not up for it.

No this is manipulative and emotionally abusive. I think you should repost this on the relationship board, you’d get more suited advice

@Ejs890011 you say the last time you had sex was last Monday. Is it normal for you both to have less than weekly? Could you not still help him out if he is pent up? Would you expect him to be available if you were in the mood? Is there equality of effort in your relationship?

@sxform careful giving such spiteful and potentially damaging advice. My ex-husband whinged occassionally when we had lulls in sexual activity when I was not in the mood for a while at a time (mildly depressed or stressed with work etc). Everyone had needs and I realised I was neglecting his while I focused entirely on my world. After that realisation, if not in the mood, I still sorted him out regularly one way or another. We had another great 5 years post that. Its about equality in effort to make a relationship last.

Sounds to me that he feels undervalued. If you genuinely dont feel the urge to have that time with him. Maybe you are kver the relationship? You should both have a good think if this is what you want

Or he is unhappy and trying to communicate it. Although he cld.do it better

I think it’s the unfortunate reality in quite a few relationships where one wants sex more than the other, neither is right or wrong. If I was to get naked on the sofa my wife would go mental though but everyone is different.
With the messages it sounds like he probably feels hurt by being rejected, you shouldn’t feel guilty though if you’re not in the mood!

My wife never initiates sex because once or twice in all the time we have been together I’ve said I’m not in the mood so she says it’s down to me to initiate, I might try most nights and it’s typically a no and every time the rejection hurts but I’ve learnt to deal with it but when we do have sex it’s great.

Maybe it’s a conversation and reassuring him that you do fancy him and want to have sex but it’s not always the right time when he tries but also him having a strop doesn’t help. I could be wrong but I’m sure maybe a few of those times when he’s had a strop if he just reacted differently and carried on cuddling you it might have lead to something.

He's telling you he feels run down, he wishes he could talk to you, he doesn't feel valued/ loved at the moment (and sex is one way that he feels connected to you)... if you aren't feeling up for sex but do want to maintain/ grow your relationship then I think you need to have a conversation, find out how else you can make him feel connected and like you are still invested in the relationship. An open, curious (not seeking to blame or determine who is 'right') conversation is also an opportunity to say what's going on with you, if your libido has altered, what might help it recover (sharing the work, making sure you don't feel resentful or pressured etc). He sounds hurt and I think if you write this off as a sulk/ manipulation without talking to him, the gap between you is only going to get bigger.