Can’t orgasm without porn :(

[LilyLilacanna]

Since the whole porn restrictions online have come into place I thought it would be a good time to try and wean myself off porn and try to orgasm again without it. However it’s been a fail!!

I’ve tried using my vibrator and my imagination, audio erotica or after reading erotica but nothing works.

I’ve never been able to orgasm during sex even with my vibrator but could always get off with porn.

am I broken?! Is there hope I can orgasm again without porn?

Have you tried edging over days/weeks? Your brain needs retiring but it may take time.

My brain's been retired for years. Hasn't helped much....

My brain definitely needs retiring 😂 oops!

I can’t even get close so no where near the ‘edge’ !!! :( I think it will take time but I just get disheartened as when I try I feel nothing! Like when I read I feel turned on and I get flutters in my stomach but nothing no build up. During sex it feels really good but nothing like a build up to an orgasm

If you want to stop looking at porn that's cool, but you don't need to if it's just about the new restrictions. They are very easy to bypass with a VPN. Browsing is safer with a VPN anyway. Some people and organisations leave them on all the time.

While very true - it is never a bad idea to stop being a porn addict.

#zombiethread

She hasn't mentioned being a porn addict has she?

She doesn't have to - if she can only have an orgasm from porn, that is a pretty clear. There are tons and tons of threads where people complain that their partners can't have an orgasm while having sex, which almost is always a direct result of porn addiction. Our brains can be rewired like that, pretty easily.

She said she has never had an orgasm through sex alone. Most women don't have orgasms through sex alone. Not everyone who watches porn is a porn addict are they?

To be fair, she did mention “weaning” herself off, which kind of implies she may be too reliant on it, which suggests in turn a potential addiction.

Only she knows for sure.

I'm wary about being too puritancal about porn, or any other (consensual) expressions of sexually.

AI gives me:

Estimates indicate that roughly 3% to 17% of people who watch pornography develop a problematic or compulsive use pattern . The wide range exists because addiction diagnoses depend on clinical screening tools , but broader studies consistently show that self-reported addiction rates are around 11% for men and 3% for women .

I do understand what OP means. We should distance ourselves from the Porn industry. Mainly because one cannot get away from the abuse and trafficking of women and underage girls in the industry. I believe that Bellesa is different.
I do not usually post on Sex topics but most of us acknowledge the need to orgasm. Have you tried chatting to with others? I know MN is against being used for hook-ups, but I believe it still happens😊.

She couldn't make herself orgasm with a vibrator, on her own, IF there was no porn involved. Are you seriously not putting it together? The simple math equation is: Any form of sex (on her own, or with a partner) without porn = no orgasm

Still doesn't mean she is addicted to porn does it? Like saying i need clitoral stimulation to come, doesn't mean I'm addicted to clitoral stimulation does it?

Do you feel you are addicted to pornography yourself?

No thanks. I very rarely rely on porn, once or twice a year maybe, and I am fairly picky, I don't care much for fake things, studio lighting and oiled-up bodies pretending to enjoy something. That sort of thing does absolutely nothing for me. I was also not the subject, but nice attempt.

First, a different example. Let's pick a different addiction - gambling. It's a good one to contextualise against, because they are both building on the brain's reward system, and not some substance use. You don't need a gambling addict to admit that they are one for it to be true.

You drew a parallel between women who can't orgasm through sex with their partners, and OP who can't orgasm without porn. The two are vastly different territories. Can there be overlaps? Sure, but they are absolutely not interchangable. It's casually leaving behind important circumstances. Women who can't reach orgasm through sex with their partners can reach it through other means (of course, not a 100%, needless to say). Op can't get herself to have an orgasm on her own WITHOUT THE USE OF PORN. If you are physically able to have an orgasm, but the only and exclusive way to reach climax is through porn that IS porn addiction. Do you understand? That is the only thing that can reward her brain and body to the level of orgasm.

Taking a step back from OP herself, there are many-many couples (browse through mumsnet alone if you have the time to read a million threads about it), where a couple used to have sex in the past, and they both reached climax, and later, after one of them started excessive porn use, they were not able to orgasm any more in a normal way. What is the only thing that changed? Developping an addiction to porn. It's not that complicated, excessive reliance on porn rewires the brain, it is a scientific fact. Whether you like it or not.

You are making an awful lot of assumptions there. You are starting to cross the line into being patronising so I'll drop out of the conversation between us. You can regard yourself as being correct if that makes you feel better.

Yes, I was the one who fired up the good old "oh maybe you have this problem yourself" card above. It's not my fault you are unable to see the connection between very simple cause and effects that are represented all over the place...

But shall do, thank you.

I'm sure you are not broken but just give it some time. My husband has always watched porn since his teens and got to a stage where he was less hard or not hard without watching porn. He eventually decided this had become an issue and took steps last year to really try and wean himself off watching it.