Wife has not been interested in sex for ever

[WelshWanderer]

I am married with three kids who are getting older (mid to late teens)
My wife has not shown any interest in sex or any kind of personal bonding for as long as I can remember. I feel like she has zero interest in my physically. She doesnt come near me really
I believe I am a good dad and a decent husband. I work hard to provide for my family and although we are not rich we are comfortable enough
It's fair that I am not the most interesting person in the world, but I do try my best. I have suggested a few things like going on dates or even away for the weekend with the in-laws 'baby'-sitting and I get positive noises if I suggest this but no real enthusiasm for making it happen. Often I feel like I am just there to run errands and fix things around the house
I really want to make this work. I know hormones are a factor but only more recently. I want to feel loved and cared for and there is only so much I can take. If I am not the person to make her happy then should we should move on?
I know I sound like I am just feeling sorry for myself and that is true
any suggestions on what I can do to turn this around before it is to late?

First questions would be, most importantly, have you spoke to her about it? And do you look after yourself physically?

Random people on the internet won't be able to read her mind, so you'll need to find out directly what's going on in her mind. When you have those facts you'll probably get some useful advice on how to move forwards

I get positive noises if I suggest this but no real enthusiasm for making it happen.

This stood out to me. Why don't you just go ahead and book the weekend away/date night? Maybe she wants to feel desired and swept off her feet rather than having to arrange her own dates?

How romantic are you being towards her? How are you making her feel wanted and appreciated?

Have a critical look at what you contribute to family life aside from money, fixing things and errands. How much of the family organisation and home life is she responsible for compared to you? Eg are some of the errands you run taking kids to/from clubs? If so, has she directed you to do this?

If this has been going on for as long as you can remember (I’m assuming well over a decade if not 2 based on your kids ages) and possibly most of your marriage I’m wondering why you are hoping to change things now? Has something happened that’s focused your mind on your marriage… a crush perhaps? It sounds like you haven’t even been on a date in years (all very well suggesting but you didn’t make it happen) so I’m not surprised she shows no interest in sex with you.

You both need to have a proper conversation to decide how you want your futures to look. Good luck

She’s probably lost interest in you along the way. Sit her down and find out. I was your wife in a similar situation. I wasn’t attracted to my husband and had lived in a sexless marriage for years. I ended it.

I agree with @OfcourseitsaNC. Don't expect her to make it happen. Arrange it all and just present her with it.

Make her feel wanted and deserving of a treat. Away from normal life and kids you can talk properly about how you both feel.

I think you explain it really clearly here, could you write this in a message to her if talking is difficult? I think the line where you say you really want to make this work is important. Also lots of compliments for her and I find talking about when you first met and got together can be really bonding and helpful. Good luck!