Is it possible to have painless anal?

[Ouchbun]

Have tried to have a go at anal several times with my DP.
It is just so sore. As in cry out with pain sore.
I am relaxed, plenty of foreplay, plenty of lube, use a plug for ages in advance.
Both putting the plug in and him entering are unbearably sore.
Is there something I'm missing?
I would like to try properly at least once!

I have a lot of tissue (piles/slight prolapse) around my anus, but the anal penetration pain is more internal.. I am prone to bleeding easily but have had colonoscopy and all OK.

Why do you feel the need to proceed with something that causes you pain?

Yes if done properly with a lot of lube

Yes, it is absolutely possible ... for some people. But it sounds like you're not one of them.
It's worth noting that (according to an NHS clinician I saw not so long back) different people's sphincters are tighter or more relaxed and that will inevitably be a factor.

Thanks all, that's helpful.
@U53rName I don't exactly feel the need - just want to know if it is do-able. I enjoy external stimulation. But I will not be pushing through the pain.

First reply nails it...

It sounds like this isn't for you, both because it hurts and also because it seems you have enough going on back there without adding to it.

You've been open minded, you've given it a go and now just move on

As above. If it's not working out for you then don't bother. I've never seen the attraction anyway, I've never tried it but can't imagine it being better than vaginal sex . Why don't you get him to take you from behind? That gives me some amazing orgasms.

Sounds to me as though you have tried it, given it a good go too with preparation etc. But it simply isn't for you.

Anything else in your life if you were trying it and it was causing you pain you'd stop, so why carry on with this?

Thanks again everyone. Think I'll give it one more try but give up if it hurts again.

Tell him you’d like him to experience what your going through some he might become more understanding of the situation!

In my experience, you have to go incredibly slowly with initial penetration. My partner will always use fingers and toys first. He then stays still while I push back onto him. I feel much more relaxed if I’m in control of the movement.

It can help to almost stop moving altogether as the head goes in. Sometimes up to a minute of just holding it there whilst everything stretches and relaxes. It also helps to almost bear down as if you’re trying to push something out, that seems to open things up more too, rather than clenching.

Once I’m happy that nothing is hurting or tense then it’s easy to move into a rhythm and, once he can see I’m ok, for him to go deeper and faster.

Thanks. My partner isn't pressuring me, though. He'd like to try it but only if I want to and am comfortable.

I really dislike it - I think it's painful and just a horrible sensation, and I wish that, after the first time I tried it and disliked it, I had never put myself through it again.

For me the pressure wasn't so much from my partners as individuals (although several of them did talk to me about their many exes who loved it more than vaginal sex etc etc) but that it seems to be considered a fairly mainstream element of heterosexual relationships, so I felt I was perhaps being a bit of a disappointment in not being willing to give it a go.

I have now reached an age and state of self acceptance where I know what I like and don't like in sex, and am not willing to entertain acts that cause me any element of displeasure or discomfort (unless it's a form of discomfort I enjoy - I do actually like some element of pain in sexual play on occasion - but not that sort of pain! ).

I have a regular partner now and made it clear to him as soon as I realised sex was on the cards, that anal would not be on the table, now or in the future. He did not appeared remotely bothered. But if that had been a deal breaker for him I would have been perfectly happy to end things at that point.

Life is much too short for bad sex!

Out of interest, and only if you are happy to answer this (and I promise I am not a guy wanking off at your answer) - do you actually enjoy it? It doesn't sound enjoyable from your description, but maybe I am missing something.

I ask because, as I mentioned, certain exes always maintained they had been with women who loved it. But I speak pretty openly about sex with female friends and family members, and I have yet to speak to a female who says she positively likes anal sex. Some dislike it less than others, that's the most I could say.

Or he might decide he really enjoys it!

interesting,,,
Fair point though
i know one woman who enjoys being a “giver”
Says it gives her a sense of joyful empowerment

Yes, I really do enjoy it. There’s so many nerve endings up there and it’s an entirely different sensation to PIV sex. I’ve had anal orgasms on a handful of occasions which were mind blowing.

I’m just very careful to ensure that I only do anal with a partner who knows what they’re doing and who I trust.

This 💯.

although several of them did talk to me about their many exes who loved it more than vaginal sex etc etc

So what? What previous partners liked is irrelevant. What matters is what the woman in bed with you right now wants and likes - not what previous women liked.

Thank you for answering - I really appreciate it as I have often wondered.Especially as it came up a little while ago in conversation with my teenage daughter (she isn't sexually active yet but like many teens is interested in sex and asks a lot of questions). She was pretty much asking, rhetorically kind of but also not, what if anything can anal sex do for the woman, and I was pretty clear in my views that I think porn has normalised something that a lot of women don't actually enjoy.

But I don't want to be somehow shaming, about an act it's possible she might, in the future, want to explore with partners and end up enjoying.... So if it comes up again, I should perhaps clarify, that some women do get genuine pleasure from it, though others don't, of course adding that, like anything, it's totally up to your own preferences.....

The idea of orgasming from it interests me - i just wonder how that happens in a woman? Does it stimulate part of the clitoris that is internal? Or stimulate the G spot from another angle, as it were?

Again, and please ONLY if you feel fully comfortable answering - does it feel like other orgasms you have? Or is it a different kind of thing altogether?

(And on a side note, women should talk more to each other about sex. I think lots of us endure lots of bad sex because we don't talk about it enough to know what good sex is possible. I, for one, am grateful to all women on this thread, for being happy to discuss this topic!)

@tragichero I've not had much anal, but I do like the sensation of fullness, and I know I'm not alone.
I think a lot of things have become more mainstream and not all of them because of porn. BDSM has been normalised in recent years by women reading a book written by a woman.

I like to be licked there and occasionally a finger but I haven't bought myself to go the whole way. I want to even if to try once but cant pluck up the courage. Play round that area really excited me so I think I would enjoy it

It’s hard to describe but it feels very different to other orgasms. I can feel the sensations through the wall into my vagina as well as my arse so it feels really full and stretched. And the waves kind of travel up my spine. It’s a much more intense, deep body orgasm.

I used to really enjoy regular anal but over the past few years it’s become so painful so I don’t do it. I’m recently peri menopausal so I wonder if this has anything to do with it.

I like just the tip of the penis in as he’s rubbing my clit. That way it kinda naturally enters you as you get aroused .