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Original poster

Confused by partner's desires

26 replies

IHE · 12/10/2025 19:10

My new partner is turning out to be quite adventurous when it comes to sex. (HRT is a likely factor.)
Whilst I'm happy to join in with everything so far and actively enjoy some, several are definitely not things I've suggested, nor would I consider doing so so soon.

What I'm finding hard to get my head round is that some of the things she's wanting to do are the sort of things that men frequently get criticised for wanting because they're misogynistic or "because that's what they see in porn."

We're of a similar vintage and these are not the sort of things that featured in your average top shelf mags when we were teens and 20s. She has initiated a couple of conversations about porn, is adamant that she doesn't watch it, "but is happy to". I hadn't asked and I'm unconvinced by her protestations.

Whilst it's all fun so far, these male-centric desires are also a little confusing, so I would really value some female perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
IHE · 25/10/2025 16:26

Tigeresslearns · 24/10/2025 14:45

I think a lot of this is coming out of nowhere for you, hence why its a gut reaction of yes or no.

I've been far more intentional with my current partner and our sex life.

My partner and I have a fk it list. 3 columns with Hell Yes (stuff we've done before and want to continue to do) Hell nope (Stuff that we have or have not tried and don't want to experience again) and a Want to Explore column. This is where the interesting conversations happen because it was surprising the stuff that was there that we matched on, and the things we definitely didn't! This helps you both know what is and is not on the table. The list is ever evolving too, with one of my previous hell nos, moving to maybe, now being on the hell yes. But this movement is rare and shouldn't be an expectation.

I've seen Yes/No/Maybe lists online, though never done one. I did suggest one briefly, but then find myself wondering why we'd need to "try other things". She thinks my "have done" list would be longer than hers, and she might be right, but I'm really not bothered about adding to our repertoire. Maybe a YNM list should be one of my Maybes? 🤣

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