Been with DH a really long time so this is not a new thing. I am very sound-motivated during sex. I'm probably more turned on by ideas, words etc than actual touch. In fact I struggle with touch sometimes- one moment things can feel great, the next second it's like a light switches and it's a turn off, like an electric shock if I'm touched there. I know that makes me a real pain to be with but the thing that helps is for me to really be in the zone and that takes being connected, talking through what's happening. I dont mean dirty porn type talk (although I do sometimes like that too). I just literally mean talking about what they want to do to me or me to do to them, how it feels, even just telling me they love me....heck even just general flirting talk in bed works.
But anyway, my DH is lovely but pretty much silent in bed other than the occasional "don't you like that?" If I lose the mood and pull away. I dont know how to change this and probably can't after so many years. I've told him about this loads of times but he doesn't seem to understand at all what I'm asking for. In fairness he just says I don't talk either and he's right, I don't. I find talking really difficult although I have so many words in my head but they just seem completely out of place in the face of his silence. I dont think we are particularly good communicators with each other in general to be honest.
It's becoming more of an issue as I've got older, peri meno has made my body a little less willing without some persuasion, so much stress at work etc. I do still want an active sex life at least sometimes but this feels like a barrier.