How do you initiate sex/intimacy

[Bishopsbuddy]

So, we had a drought for a long time. Due to lots of different reasons. But we are rediscovering each other and have been enjoying sex together as a married couple in our are 50’s. I’ve just lost all my confidence in the bedroom. I want to initiate it too. (I haven’t so far) so I’m looking for some NON JUDGEMENTAL advice tips and moves please xx

This sex therapist has loads of podcast episodes about initiation in her backlog library.

vmtherapy.com/podcast/

Oh! Brilliant thank you.

I don't, he does. I can't help it, I just can't do it. Years ago I told him I need him to initiate and told him that when he does I will almost always say yes.

The thing is, I just don't think about it spontaneously any more (I used to A LOT). But still the good thing is, as soon as he touches me or looks at me 'that way', I pretty much immediately think 'hmm sex, actually yes please that'd be quite nice' !

Do you still kiss and snuggle? If you linger with either of these he’ll get the message. Or a gentle stroke, eye contact, whisper ‘I want you’ in his ear…

my question would be more how does he respond to your subtle (or not so subtle!) signs you’re interested?

We have two main ways of initiating.

If we're already intimate one of us might slip a hand somewhere or give somewhere a cheeky squeeze. Not very common though.

The other more normal method with us is that one says to the other, how about sex in an hour or so? Completely matter of fact. We might even have a quick chat about what specifically we might do. It gives the other person the chance to get into the headspace.

Someone said some while back how they used a pair of red high heeled shoes. If she wanted sex she would clomp around the house wearing them. If he wanted sex he'd put them somewhere prominent. I loved the sound of that method.

The Australian Way:

You awake?

We would light a candle when we went up to bed. Whoever got to the bedroom first would light it, then whilst in the bathroom the other could accept the invitation or blow it out if not in the mood!

Usually said at half time in the footie

😂. I love this page. Brilliant. Such a good mix of reply’s. I love the candle idea. My husband is a little older than me so he’s not as rampant as he used to be. We still cuddle and stroke but more affectionate than sensual. He lies on his left side so often has his back to me. I tend to snuggle in behind. We aren’t great at talking about sex so the idea of the pre discussion thing is so far off the radar. I need to get him to set down his phone and turn round lol.

Told by Terry Wogan; From Ireland
"Brace yourself Kathleen"

Yeah if he’s turned away from you and on his phone no wonder you’re struggling tbf 😂

I know! He’s hilarious because he’s looking at pointless shite most of the time. Maybe I’ll change sides with him. Least then he will be facing me 😂😂

Usually starts by cuddling then kissing and touching then one thing just leads to another