Celibacy

[CookiesandSilk]

I know this totally goes against the running theme of this board but I’d like some advice or to hear from those in similar situations - I’m sure I’m not alone.

I’m in my mid thirties and a single Mum. I’ve been divorced for over a year now and it has done me the world of good. I wanted some passion and fun and I met a younger man who fell for me and even though it was the best sexual experience I’ve ever had, I went cold on him because we didn’t align. I also met another man who I fell for but in the end he chose his marriage. These situations have given me the gift of perspective - sex is easy to come by but connection is rarer.

Since then I’ve realised that I want a partner, I want someone to connect with on a deeper level, I can’t just fuck anymore like I did in my twenties - I need to be intellectually stimulated and made to feel safe and met - fuck buddies won’t work. With this in mind I chose celibacy, now 6 months in I’m climbing the walls.

I am a deeply sexual person. I love orgasms and I’m very good at solo play but I want to find someone I can play and explore with. I don’t want to go on the apps either so that makes what feels like an impossible task even worse, everyone I meet is either married or committed and I’m beginning to feel like I won’t find my person.

Has anyone been in a similar position ? Has a vow of celibacy worked for you whilst you searched for the right one? Or do you have to kiss a lot of frogs?

good for you for working out what will make you happy! What was it that didn’t align with the younger man out of interest? Just that I assume there would be a lot more single men in their 20s than 30s.

I’m definitely not against younger men! This particular one though just wanted to hang around my house, cook for me, clean for me and have sex. This doesn’t sound bad but he didn’t have any ambition and that turned me off.

Ha ha I’m with you about ambition!

I’m going to predict a shed load of creepy DM’s coming your way. Not sure if it will help your situation.

And posts from men who have lots of sex with lots of women (allegedly!) but could probably add one more to their rota 😂

TBH, someone finding someone who wants to cook for me , clean my house and have sex sounds like bloody heaven right now- 😂😂

I know! I’m wondering if that was a bad call to let him go because it’s rare to find! 😅

They are about. Infinite patience is needed. Meanwhile if there's an itch to scratch in the short term.....

Sounded like a cocklodger to me! I bet the cooking and cleaning wouldn’t have last long!

I totally understand what you mean. I’ve always wanted more than just sex and there has to be a deep connection (on many levels) for me. FWB would never work for me. Hence why I’m single now! I married a man who I didn’t really connect with - I hadn’t really had a boyfriend before him and I was only 21 when we met - our married life was dull because the connection and sexual chemistry wasn’t there. He also lacked ambition ! I just couldn’t carry on and we ended up in a sexless marriage (of over a decade). Marriage lasted 23 years in total and I feel a lot of those were wasted. Stupidly, I got involved with a married man - who I did have that connection with and it was a massive eye opener for me. I also ended my marriage (at this point) and it has led to a total re-evaluation of what I want, what I should’ve had and putting myself at the centre of decisions. He also chose his marriage (after 8 years of messing me around - and, yes I know it was wrong and I wish I could turn the clock back but I fell…hard).

I think I’ve left it too late. I’m still attractive (for my age) but what I desire just doesn’t exist. To have deep connections with someone, to have the ability to make each other laugh, to have deep and intelligent conversations and to have red hot passion between a couple is very rare (imo) but it does happen! You have to look for it. And, of course, you have to factor in what you both like doing (eg. hobbies, travelling, music). I do think it’s important to have time for yourself and your own interests too though!

You have better options than me. You’re a lot younger! You will find someone! He will probably land in your life quite unexpectedly!

Oh, and a vow of celibacy is a tough one. Even though I lived in a sexless (100%) marriage - that was my doing because I just had the ick all the time - for over a decade it was not just sex I was missing. It was the other stuff - teasing, sexual chemistry, playing, intimacy, hugs, kissing, hand-holding etc. I regret allowing myself to live like this for so long. I’m also a deeply passionate (and playful 😉) female! I didn’t join this life to live as a nun but, it seems, it’s the way things are!