Am I overthinking ?

[Ejs890011]

I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time with my husband when it comes to sex.
he just asked if I wanted Funtime later I said no I am too tired ( we had a rough night with our 8 week old last night)
he said I can always get you in the mood. I said probably not, we only had sex last Sunday.
he then proceeded to say ok, but wonder last upstairs. Then sends me this message:
.
I know things have changed so much for us both now and it can be hard sometimes to adapt to our new life and routine. Just want you to know something. There’s nothing wrong with having a nice cuddle in bed and being close. If things happen they happen naturally. That’s all I’m saying xxx

just makes me feel like i am on eggshells it shouldn’t be such a big deal.
am i overthinking?

I’m willing to bet that there was a time in your lives when last Sunday would feel like an eternity ago, and he’s processing all the changes. That text sounded as supportive as he could possibly have been.
You are not an automated, baby everything machine with a nymphomanic mode, and he sounds respectful of that. Give him the benefit of the doubt!

Of course, if you get up to bed and he tries it on and didn’t mean a word of the text then he is an absolute cockwomble who needs a written warning!

I don’t think he’s taking your no (x2) for an answer. That’s very disrespectful of him. You are definitely not overthinking! Trust your body and your thoughts.

Bit early days isn’t it if you have an 8 week old. I feel he’s hounding you a bit and needs to back off.

The use of the word Funtime would give me a serious ick.
You have an 8 week old. He asked once, you said no. He circled back, you said no again. Then a follow up text which sounds okay on the surface but is actually a bit condescending in the end, and again keeping the door open to sex even though you've said no twice already.

He's wrapping it up nicely, but underneath I can sense the vibe and it's not okay.
Yes, I understand why you're walking on eggshells. It's your instincts telling you something's not right.
How does he respond when you address this kind of behaviour?

It sounds to me like he’s not taking no for an answer, and putting pressure on you by suggesting you just have a cuddle. What he is saying is let me try and get you in the mood. He has no idea how it feels to be so tired than even 5 mins less sleep is a horrible thought. I’d go back and say its a tough time in your life 8wks PP and you’d appreciate him not putting any pressure on you.

If the 8 week old baby wasn’t in the equation then I could perhaps sympathise with your DH, he’s trying to be kind and respectful and clearly wants to feel wanted.

HOWEVER, he needs to understand that 8 weeks PP is no time at all, and he should be grateful that you are already sexually active with him in what is a relatively short time after your newborn. From what I’ve read on MN it can often be 6 months or more before any kind of sex drive returns?

The text is weird, especially when you are only downstairs and he could quite easily have said it in person. I see it as quite manipulating and he hopes his written words will designate more than his spoken words.

He needs to respect that no means no, and not pressure you .

Oh( and calling sex ‘Funtime’ is just eurghh

He’s expecting too much - having an 8 week old baby is very demanding and he should know that. The night feeds, lack of sleep etc. really have an effect on sex drive! Good news is that babies grow and start to settle into a nice routine and sleep pattern. My kids are now 21 and 17 - they are both a nightmare to get out of bed in the mornings now 😂. The eldest, as a baby, was an absolute nightmare of a sleeper! Awake every 20 minutes! No way would I have been interested in sex at that point.

The text he sent you is manipulating. I hope he sees sense and realises he needs to back off a while.