Wanting to help those with diabilities gain experience?

[NC72729282]

Ok, this is porbably going to sound bizarre and maybe it is but I’m not sure if this is a ‘thing’ or not in the UK. So I used to work as a volunteer for a charity that works with disabilities years and years ago and so I do feel I have experience working with a range of issues.

I’ve been single for a while now, and I have started to wonder if there are organisations that help those with disabilities (18+) have safe sexual experiences to help boost confidence. This idea came about from talking to a friend who has a son with cerebal paulsy and that she is considering getting him adult support. Obviously I wouldn’t want to help in this situation because it’s my friend, but I do think I would be interested in helping out young men that may otherwise struggle, be that because they lack confidence, or because due to their disability they would struggle. I consider myself a free spirit when it comes to sex and think everyone deserves it, so I do feel more drawn to this idea but have no clue where I would even begin. Any ideas?

Do you mean you are offering paid-for sex work or a freebie charitable/ pity fuck?

You could advertise on a dating site for younger / inexperienced disabled men who are looking for a fuckbuddy but it sounds just as grim and as much of a predatory fetish as it would do if a man were to do the same!

what a weird way of putting it. Would It be predatory if someone wanted that experience and I provided it? Or should they just not at all then and be refused?

Statistically, women find approximately 80% of men unattractive enough not to want to have sex with. What happens when you’ve advertised your services and meet these men, only to find that you don’t feel the desire? Will you simply lie back and think of England? Do you have a background in sex work, and therefore have experience in this? I’m not sure that offering up your vagina as some kind of Make A Wish Foundation is a great idea, TBH.

I have worked in & managed massage parlours in my time, thus is more common than you might imagine.
In my experience the girls were very kind patient and understanding.

I think if you reversed the genders in your post you would sound like a sexual predator. Especially the fact you volunteered with the very people you now want to ‘help’ have sex. Agree with @BunnyOnTheOnion

There was a documentary on channel 4 last year that you might benefit from watching ‘Sex, Me and Disability’ it’s probably online.

Take a look into sex surrogacy. In essence that's sounds like what you're alluding towards ----

This is an existing profession.
HOWEVER
This is not something you just jump into because you're feeling generous.
Taking on that role is about much more than just having some free spirited sex.
For most of these people you will be their first and only sexual encounter. They may experience a whole range of emotions - from excitement to insecurity to anxiety, anger, injustice ...
You need to have a very deep understanding of the human psyche and you need to be trained in dealing with unregulated emotions. People would be vulnerable and naked with you. Mishandling their emotions can turn this into an incredibly traumatic experience.
You also need to learn how to set professional boundaries, as I advise you should only do this in a professional setting. The reason for that is because it's a transactional agreement. You're not having these experiences out of love or a need for intimacy on your part. The need is only on their part. Payment creates balance and also lessens the likelihood of your clients developing romantic feelings for you. This already happens quite often when people go to therapy, let alone when they're actually having sex with someone.
You should also have a good background in medical conditions, disabilities, mental conditions etc. You need to know how to not injure people with a more fragile build. You need to be very well aware of how their illness impacts their ability to perform sexually, and you need to be ready to give them the right kind of informations about how this will all play out.

I'm trying to paint an elaborate picture here because I get the sense you haven't thought this through, and you'd be jumping into something while being completely unprepared but also incompetent to deal with the expectations of these kinds of services.
Don't do this because you feel pity and you're looking for a way to feel good about yourself.
Do this only if you've done your research, you've learned the neccessary skills and you're confident you can handle it.
This is exactly why most people who start any kind of charitable work end up quitting, feeling let down, but also causing lasting trauma to the people who have come to trust them and have gotten attached to them.

Don't you mean prostitution?! Why the need to sugar coat it?

Prostitution is not the same as surrogacy.
While both involve sexual acts for money, the goal of the transaction is completely different.
I'm not saying you should be morally okay with surrogacy, but do your research before calling it something it's not and forming an opinion.

Someone put the angry feminist back in their box...

I'd presume that you'd need to have a solid background in the psychological processes of the situation as well the medical requirements of a number of disabilities.
Those you'd be trying to help would be relying on your guidance and support in understanding how and why their body may respond in a particular way so you'd have to be massively well informed.

The fall out of getting it wrong could be massively traumatic in a number of ways so it's not something to entertain lightly.
However, if it's something that you are interested in persuing then start looking to look into how you properly develop what is needed but it's definitely not an easy thing to do just because you are quite free spirited with sex. I think you probably have to have amazing boundaries and be quite structured to do something like this.

In Israel there are sex therapists who help, in this case traumatised injured people ( it was soldiers) who had injuries, psychological and physical, causing a end of sex life. They needed management back to a sex life, by a sympathetic basically helper. It seems quite virtuous, as I recall it.

It's a sort of branch of therapy

Yes it is.

But, as we can see from reactions here, there’s such stigma and difficulty when it comes to detaching a therapeutic sexual programme from rank ‘prostitution’.

I suppose the difference is quantum really.
Lads or whoever can’t stagger drunk into a sexual therapy clinic that is only open 9-5 Mon-Fri and where you have to book an initial non-contact consultation and then have a series of appointments that are highly controlled.

Hmm. Tempting me to set up a clinic …

its grim; and no different to the likes of Bonnie Blue and her rampage of barely legal teens.

I don’t know how old you are, but I suspect most of your ‘clientele’ will be late teenage or early 20 something boys - can you imagine the backlash if this was man in his 40’s wanting to do the same?

No matter how you or anyone else disguises it, it’s prostitution at best, and predatory at worst.

However, I can see your intentions are to help people, but the people you will almost certainly encounter are those who can’t give consent and are at least partially mentally incapacitated and probably don’t even care about sex or have much sexual desire.

if you are going to move this idea forward, then as others have already said, you will need to do a ton of research, do psychology and mental health courses, develop knowledge of the issues your clients face and many other factors.

good luck but personally it’s not something I would ever entertain nor would I feel comfortable with anyone I am close to doing.