Herpes Diagnosis

[foxred96]

Hi everyone,
I’m 29 and a single mum to three little ones. I split from my husband a few months ago and ended up sleeping with someone new months later. A few days after that I felt really unwell and noticed some spots, so I went to the clinic, they diagnosed me with genital herpes on the spot.
Feeling really overwhelmed and just a bit lost with it all right now. Just wondering if anyone else here is living with it and can offer a bit of hope or reassurance? Struggling to picture what life looks like going forward, i.e dating sex, feeling a bit rubbish if I’m honest 🥺

@foxred96 i am really sorry to hear this. I saw a few posts like this on the relationship board and it might be better to ask mn repost it there to get some support. Going though a split is tough enough but then contracting herpes is tough too. My dear cousin got it at 21 ….. since then she has been in a Ltr and now has a son who is 13. At the time she was devastated and opened up to my brother and I. We listened to her most of the time, she was scared of her mother finding out.

Clinically genital herpes is one of - if not the easiest STI to manage. It’s so unfortunate that people feel such incredible stigma if they are infected. Luckily, the NHS provides a brilliant sexual health service.
with the appropriate care, you could very well remain symptom-free for the majority of your life. Please try not to be too hard on yourself. These things happen and condom use is not Necessarily a protection against GH. (Edited to correct some of the typos)

Hi, sexual health worker here!! We get approx 200 calls a day. Half of these calls will be about genital herpes. I cannot stress enough to Devasted patients that this and chlamydia are the most common STI’s although herpes is a skin on skin transmission condition. I have a loved one who has it and sadly it’s changed her. She now suffers anxiety so badly but has a lovely, caring and understanding partner. The thing that pisses me off the most is the ridiculous stigma!! No one blinks an eye if someone has a cold sore on their mouth! It’s because it’s on the genitals people are so weird about it! I’ve had many a patient cry on my shoulder, just because of the stigma, but they ALL go on to have relationships, marriage and babies!! The sad thing is you can have a full STI screening but it won’t pick up herpes unless you are having an active outbreak which we swab. Many private companies claim to do blood tests but these blood tests show positive if all you’ve had is a cold sore on your mouth! Due to it detecting the virus antibodies in the blood. It makes me so sad that this virus which also includes chicken pox and shingles and plain old cold sores (all herpes simplex) are treated with such stigma. It’s time we left this attitude behind for good. Please try and be positive about your life. I think if potential partners don’t want to know you then you’ve had a lucky escape! Wishing you all the best. If you start to suffer regular outbreaks there are very effective antivirals you can obtain from sexual health clinics or can even buy at an online chemist if you’re concerned about privacy. I just wished people knew just how common HSV is x

Not quite correct. Chicken pox and shingles are caused by the same virus, varicella zoster virus, (VSV), but it is different to the virus which causes coldsores and genital herpes, which is herpes simplex virus, (HSV) of which there are types 1 and 2. Same ‘family’ of viruses but they are different, spread in different ways, present differently etc.

I can see this is quite an old thread now so hope you’re doing ok OP.

Apologies. I should have worded that better. I meant to mean from the same family.
but cold sores are called cold sores to anyone that gets them. People never say they have herpes on their mouth, why not? I’m trying to say that they’re exactly the same and HSV 1 & 2 will live on mouth or genitals. As a sexual health worker, majority of patients are because genital herpes. They’re devastated due to the ridiculous, dark ages stigma. It’s really sad these attitudes are still here. People need to educate themselves on it. It’s never talked about in sex education which is a massive failing when learning about STI’s. I hope you’re doing ok too OP.

You specifically named the virus as Herpes Simplex to include Chicken pox and shingles. How will the right info get out there and the stigma end if even sexual health workers aren’t accurate in the info they’re giving to others.

Also, a lot of people are uneducated, yes, but it’s also a valid choice to not want to be with someone who knows they have the virus. Along with the usual misinformation on posts on this subject, there are always posts who try to pressure others into being ok with it by dismissing their concerns, which isn’t ok either. They shouldn’t be told that their views are ridiculous or that people have had a lucky escape from them, that really doesn’t help.

All of my children have learnt about HSV in their relationship and sex education classes at school so it is talked about there.

I think its reasonable not to want to be with someone who has the virus of you are including those with cold sores but I do think its very nieve to think dating someone with a cold sore is ok but not ok if they have had genital herpes .I got genital herpes from my partners cold sore (apparently very common) Hadn't really occurred to me that it was a risk !

People can date or not date someone for any reason they like. You don’t have to think they’re reasonable. If they are fine with dating someone who gets sores on the lips, but not on genitals, that is their choice. It doesn’t have to stand up to anyone else’s reasonable test.

Education about this subject does need improvement though so that people understand that although HSV1 is the primary cause of oral herpes, you can also get HSV1 on your genitals, and although HSV2 is the primary cause of genital herpes, it can also cause oral herpes.