How to get over insecurity about fat saggy belly and other bits during sex

[Hoverflies]

I recently posted about finding out my partner had been looking at lots of stuff online while not wanting to really have sex with me for a long time. We are still working on getting past that but in the meantime we have been having sex way more than we have in years. He has assured me that it was nothing to do with me and that he took me for granted and was trying to cope with how he was feeling with quick fixes.

I am really enjoying the sex but I find it so hard not to stress about my body. I used to be very fat, and while I am now technically a 'normal' weight, I still have an enormous belly covered in stretch marks that hangs right down and looks all lumpy and weird at the bottom, I have boobs that look OK standing up but hang right down if I lean over, wrinkly saggy thighs and lots of loose flappy skin on my arms. The whole area between my belly and thighs just looks awful tbh. I also basically have no bum or hips to at least compensate for the massive belly. I really want to be confident and do anything in the bedroom and I'd also like to be able to walk around naked in front of him and he likes to try different positions and says he wants to see me but I just find it mortifying to think of him looking at all these saggy flabby stretch mark covered bits as I really don't want him to be put off me. Literally if I go on my hands and knees the skin from my belly and boobs is just hanging right down and it's so embarrassing. I have had dc but it just seems excessive when I am only in my early 30s!!

Has anyone managed to overcome their body worries with similar issues?

His looking online is not going to have helped with your insecurities. If you are working on stuff he needs to own that and, if he wants a confident woman in the bedroom, build you up.

I’m a large woman but, with the right partner, can feel and act like a goddess. It’s a case of being with the right someone.

Yeah he took part in a practice which makes a lot of women feel shit about themselves so he can't really expect you to be magically ok with him seeing you naked. So much about porn has the potential to damage IRL sex. Maybe that's the point of it, to ensure people go back to porn!

Whilst it is obviously important for you to feel good about yourself for your own health, I think it's totally up to him to make you feel comfortable enough to be seen by him.

His behaviour online won't have helped how you feel about your body, but you have to find a way to love yourself without it being dependent on others.
He could address his issues and from the sounds of it I don't think that would actually make you see yourself differently. He says he wants to try other positions to see more of you which is him saying he finds you physically attractive, yet that's something that makes you anxious instead.

I think you need to firstly remind yourself of two things.
One, you have a body that has produced life. That is no easy feat and each body responds differently to that. Feel proud of what your body has done, it grew another human.
Secondly you say you used to be larger and are now a healthier size. Again, amazing. You made a choice to do something about something that you were unhappy with. That takes strength and resilience to do. And hopefully you see other benefits to your mental and physical health.

Have you tried looking into some nice underwear? There are a lot of baby doll things, cover ups etc. Some are crotchless so you can keep them on.
Wear them and look at yourself in the mirror to try and see how awesome you are. It has to come from within sadly, but I've definitely found that I think I look awesome after pushing myself to appreciate the body I have (and I'm a larger female, post kids, who hasn't had any male attention for a while, and the only man Ive ever been in a relationship with cheated on me but I'm still going to own my body, saggy bits and all)