Painful s*x | Mumsnet

unknownn · 2025-08-02T21:22:51+00:00

Ok new one for me.. only ever been with 2 men before and I have never experienced painful sex. I am seeing someone new after a 7 year relationship.. and it’s not all positions but some positions can be super painful. He is a lot bigger than the others I have been with so I’m assuming it’s this. It’s usually only when he pushes it in super deep. How do we combat this? It’s so enjoyable and amazing so it’s ashame that this happens. Any advice appreciated thank you. I do also have 2 children so I’m not sure if this has affected anything x

DorothyStorm · 02/08/2025 22:42

What happens when you tell him it hurts?

NPET · 02/08/2025 23:32

We're all different so I can only really speak for myself.
But for me, bigger hurts AT FIRST but then proves to be better - and how!
Initially it stretches me but then is able to reach places that smaller ones can't - and, personally, that is heaven.
Probably not very helpful but certainly my experience.

Zanatdy · 03/08/2025 06:04

this has happened to me recently and it’s positional (as the guy i’m having sex with has an average size penis). It tends to me when he puts my legs on his shoulders, this allows for deep penetration. I don’t like to say that hurts in the middle of sex, so last time I just moved one leg and then it didn’t hurt much. But that time ended up with bleeding. I think its when this penis hits my cervix. I know from when I was pregnant (almost 20yrs ago) I had some erosion. Next time, i’m going to tell him that position caused the bleeding so let’s avoid it. Rather than me saying that’s always hurt but I didn’t say anything.

Gymbunny2025 · 03/08/2025 07:12

The one partner I had who was very large- yes it hurt whenever he thrust deeply (and made me bleed). Ultimately it meant we weren't sexually compatible

Angela59 · 03/08/2025 07:35

My rule of thumb if he’s a big boy
I go on top!

Namechangednorth · 03/08/2025 09:52

What you have experienced isn’t unusual. It also depends on whether the size is an issue of length or girth (or both). I found length was more of an issue as it does put a lot of pressure on the cervix and was better if I could control this to some degree as I could then feel the pressure and let it be more gradual and get used to it. With girth, this was practice. Making sure I was really ready to take him or use lube as well, but ultimately I found I had to get used to his size which took a little bit of time but once I did was lovely and t(e feeling amazing as I felt really satisfied and stretched. What wasn’t as great was if there was a gap of weeks between having sex and was like starting again.

Gymbunny2025 · 03/08/2025 10:38

Namechangednorth · 03/08/2025 09:52

What you have experienced isn’t unusual. It also depends on whether the size is an issue of length or girth (or both). I found length was more of an issue as it does put a lot of pressure on the cervix and was better if I could control this to some degree as I could then feel the pressure and let it be more gradual and get used to it. With girth, this was practice. Making sure I was really ready to take him or use lube as well, but ultimately I found I had to get used to his size which took a little bit of time but once I did was lovely and t(e feeling amazing as I felt really satisfied and stretched. What wasn’t as great was if there was a gap of weeks between having sex and was like starting again.

Did you ever get used to the length out of interest? That’s what I just couldn’t handle. Every time he thrust deeply it was between uncomfortable and ouch. And that coupled with the fact I’m not a huge fan of being on top… I called it a day

Original poster

unknownn · 03/08/2025 12:58

Thanks everyone! I think I’ll try a few different more comfortable positions, like @Zanatdysaid, I don’t want to mention that he hurts sometimes as I know he will feel so uncomfortable penetrating then. But if I can’t sort it on my own/adjust with time then I’ll have to mention to him. It’s such a shame because the sex is sooo good!

OP posts:

SportGirl · 03/08/2025 20:58

Foreplay and lube

Namechangednorth · 05/08/2025 09:04

Gymbunny2025 · 03/08/2025 10:38

Did you ever get used to the length out of interest? That’s what I just couldn’t handle. Every time he thrust deeply it was between uncomfortable and ouch. And that coupled with the fact I’m not a huge fan of being on top… I called it a day

Show quote history

Took a little time but also earlier in knowing I was more in control let me become more confident about how much pressure would be uncomfortable. Gradually I seemed to become used to it and he was able to thrust in deeply which was more satisfying for him as well. Took time but also regular sex.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 12/08/2025 22:27

Happened to me and I was in despair about it -even saw the doc, who recommended lots of lube. He said that a vagina stretches to accommodate a baby’s head which is bigger than the girth of a man…
So we persevered with the lube - snd he is really wonderful with foreplay. Always makes me orgasm before penetration. I would go on top and eventually -took about 3months -it worked in every position and is now wonderful and in fact it’s only with him I get vaginsl orgasms, never with any other man and we don’t need the lube any more. I think it partly psychological as I trust him -he is the nicest man I’ve ever known.
But at the beginning I was do despondent it wouldn’t ever work.