Swing

[Tess40]

Hubby wants to do a swinger club, I’m curious, who’s been or goes and what can I expect

I’d be very wary, especially if this is a recent ‘fantasy’

it is likely he’ll expect FFM threesomes, have his cake and eat it whilst you go along with the it, and it is unlikely there will be any actual swapping.

if you are also curious, I’d suggest signing up to FAB first, part of killing kittens, and test the waters first. There’s group chats and events and you can decide via the app if it’s a lifestyle for you both before one of you gets hurt.

Generally there's a bar area, where people won't be having sex, and then other areas and private rooms where they probably are. In some clubs there are quite public areas where people might be playing, or there might be rooms with windows or doors open - watching is fine, expected really. Interrupting pushily, touching without permission, is considered rude.

Personally, not that I'm an expert (have been about 8-10 times I think, to 4 different clubs), I find them very unpressured, very body positive. I love the freedom to just be able to do what you want.

I'd actually advise the exact opposite and avoid setting up a profile on FAB or any contact site and instead look into clubs a short distance away from home.

I'd also suggest having a very frank and honest discussion about what you're both hoping to get out of it.

And if / when you do decide to visit a club, go with the strict understanding that you'll only be playing with each other.

I saw plenty of couples at clubs where one partner was clearly more into it than the other. I don't think I ever met one who regretted taking their time to get used to the club environment and enjoy playing together in proximity to others as an introduction and to test the waters.

Hope that helps :)

What you can expect depends a lot on what you want. Any properly run club won’t pressure you to do anything, so if you just want a drink with people with somewhat revealing clothes that will be about the sum of it. The first qu is what your DH is hoping to do - just be with you and be watched? Watch you with someone else? Just watch others? You need to be v clear beforehand.

My partner has a lover. It's tailed off over the past year but I hope it'll start up again. He's a year older than me (mid 50s) and lives quite a way away. I'd say it's works better than swinging as such. I think there is an element of the unknown going to a swinging club.

Could you mention a few club names please? Interested. Thanks

We went to one in London. I found the mingling part at the start difficult, everyone was in a big bar area and seemed to know each other or had connected online before the event. We (now my ex) were quite shy and sat there holding our drinks not speaking to anyone.

You can just Google, they're not secret. Too many to start randomly listing here. One reason for making a Fabswingers account (fab is not anything to do with Killing Kittens, I think Smithey was thinking of WAX) is because there is a section with a list of clubs and reviews. It doesn't have Townhouse in Birkenhead on there because of some falling out with the owner, I don't know if there are other omissions. There are also club nights that might not be listed, there are a few I've seen advertised around Bristol. WAX has details of private events as well.

Ooh, a swinger club! 😈 We're definitely curious too.
Hubby's a voyeur at heart though, he'd only want to watch me play. 😉 Who am I to complain lol.

Yeah I’ve been curious about exploring same thing. Also I really want to check out the nudist camp by New Orleans.

Expect lots of people in their 40’s and 50’s, all body shapes and cock sizes.
Plenty of average looking people and plain Jane’s but the women are in better shape than the men generally, if you’re lucky you might get a hottie or two and even luckier get to play with them.
Saying all that I really get off on swinging and would definitely recommend.

Beginning of the end of your marriage, not being judgmental but once you have opened this door every other inhibition drops and he'll be out of your life.

Indeed. I think people often talk about how their relationship is strong enough to go to a Swingers club and enjoy other partners. All I'd say is that once you open that door, its practically impossible to close it again. Your relationship will change forever.

One thing you could try first is uploading some pictures (face etc obscured) to an adult site like wife lovers or voyeur web. We have done this and it’s a good way to test the waters - luckily DH gets off very much on the other men commenting on me, and we play fun fantasies about it, but we couldn’t have been 100% how either of us would feel before actually doing it. And it’s a very very long way short of swinging, because the pictures are all anonymous ie just the bits men seem to be interested in.

Yes. This is the problem. I knew of a couple who started swinging. He was enjoying it but she wasn’t because he was very good looking and when they went to these clubs it was full of men who weren’t as attractive as her husband . Whereas he was less fussy / choosy about how the women looked and was more aroused by the situation mainly.

It ended up with her saying she didn’t want to do this any more, whilst he seethed about it. Eventually he ended up paying for sex workers, told her and the marriage fell apart.

It’s all fine if you both want to do it for good but if one person isn’t feeling it, it seems to be the end.

Yes, it can create highly complex situations within your relationship and its very difficult to reset back to where you once were as a couple of one partner has second thoughts.

Swinging has always been around, whether it be the proverbial wife-swapping in the 60s and 70s to modern day internet-based hookup sites, but its not for everyone, despite its high online profile.

Having said that, my partner has an old fashioned 'bit on the side', with consent obviously. Its kept us going as a couple in many ways when the sex dried up at the beginning of Covid. She's never been happier but it does take a lot of character to turn a blind eye.

I just cannot fathom it at all. I watched a programme recently, Swingers, I just found it all so sordid and sad, especially the old lady, Siobhan, I felt she either had mental problems or dementia to behave like that

I know the one you mean and that particular one doesn't exactly show the lifestyle in it's best way. However, there are more upscale sophisticated parties which aren't anything like that.

My wife and I have been to a few and some are better than others. It all depends on what you are looking to experience. We only go to clubs that have couples only nights as my wife enjoys exploring her bisexuality and we are not looking to involve any single men.

The clubs we've been to are members only and have strict policies on any unruly behaviour. The staff are very polite and helpful to anyone new to the lifestyle.

The best advice I can give is to talk in depth about what you are both looking to experience and set rigid boundaries to begin with. If you want to push your boundaries further then only do that after talking. Never do it in the heat of the moment and certainly not because someone else wants you to.

The way to view it is that you are doing this for your mutual pleasure and not to be pushed into anything you're not happy or comfortable with by anyone else.

Saying all that, they can be very pleasant venues to meet others and if you just want to chat, watch and experience the atmosphere you can do so without even getting undressed.

Ive been to a good number. Trying a new one this weekend with a friend.

Yes I agree. It all stems from someone with an unhealthy porn habit, believing that what goes on in porn can translate into real life. Unfortunately as these are all paid actors it is a different kettle of fish to some couples who go and eat tea together and on family picnics.. Yes sordid and dirty and normally blokes who think it is good to see their wife being treated like a slab of meat for his pleasure. Sometimes women also but all depraved

What also happened to someone I knew is that he couldn’t get it up and ended up having to take viagra to actually penetrate anyone.

What on earth is the point of that?

Having visited some clubs with my ex wife (we were both happily married at the time) my observations are that the ladies in general get more attention than the men and that your female partner is much more likely to enjoy a dalliance than the man. If this is going to bother your partner then you'd do well to have a good talk about expectations before you go clubbing and what you agree is acceptable participation for both and what happens if only one of you gets lucky.

All clubs we visited were very friendly and had strict rules regarding consent etc. and neither of us ever felt pressured.

The first couple of times we just went to socialise and gain confidence. We were surprised at one club to meet some neighbours/friends from our village so consider that aspect if you are concerned about privacy. Having said that they were doing the same as us and therefore not likely to shout about it form the roof tops. They turned out to be experienced regulars which actually made it all easier for us, especially my ex as there were people we could easily chat with once we got over the initial concerns of been "found out". Her success rate was probably 4 :1 compared to mine. Make sure Hubby is forewarned!

Where are the clubs may I ask? How do you learn about the quality?

We googled swingers clubs in UK and read some reviews for the ones nearest us. There are also lists of clubs on swinger sites such as fabswingers where you can read comments from people who have been there.