Want to have sex with cheating DP

OfcourseitsaNC · 20/07/2025 19:51

I wouldn't advise sleeping with him again soon.

Was it a ONS or an ongoing person? I'd advise different things depending on the level of betrayal.

Have you got yourself checked at a sexual health clinic? Has he?

Do some research into hysterical bonding in order to help you make your decision as to when to have sex with him again.

All the best.

Gymbunny2025 · 20/07/2025 19:51

If you’ve decided to stay together then that involves having sex? Are you worried about STI?! Use a condom?

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 19:53

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 19:42

As the title suggests I found out my DP 46M cheated a month ago, and I'm incredibly horny (44F) and I just want to have sex and a lot of it. This is usually a coping mechanism for me with trauma. Due to our kids and financial circumstances we have decided to work through things.

Would it be stupid for me to sleep with him so soon?

How did you find out he cheated, & what were the circumstances? Not that it matters , just wondering, as in did he tell you cause he felt bad or what ??

I’m not going to advise you on whether you should have sex with him or not , I’m perimenopausal & my sex drive has gone through the roof !! Plus I’ve zero will power, & whilst I know I shouldn’t have sex with him , I know me & I 💯 would 🙈

Original poster

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 19:56

Yes, both been checked and we're fine. First thing I made him do after I confronted her and changed all his passwords and checked his phone.

Thank you, I'll look into it.

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Original poster

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 19:58

Gymbunny2025 · 20/07/2025 19:51

If you’ve decided to stay together then that involves having sex? Are you worried about STI?! Use a condom?

We've both been checked and all good. But I will be using a condom until I'm more relaxed and we get a further check up. I know it involved sex, but I don't want him thinking he's forgiven whenever he isn't yet. I just can't get rid of the urge for sex, and the toys ain't cutting it.

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Original poster

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 20:02

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 19:53

How did you find out he cheated, & what were the circumstances? Not that it matters , just wondering, as in did he tell you cause he felt bad or what ??

I’m not going to advise you on whether you should have sex with him or not , I’m perimenopausal & my sex drive has gone through the roof !! Plus I’ve zero will power, & whilst I know I shouldn’t have sex with him , I know me & I 💯 would 🙈

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One of our kids mentioned something about him and his phone and then he'd no choice to speak up, he knows I can tell if he's gaslightung me. Circumstances were he's just a bollocks, he didn't even give her his real name so it wasn't going to go very far. Ir was cathartic though seeing her face and his with the shame on it.

My sex drive died for a bit, but now it's back with full force and as I said to another person the toys aren't cutting it for me, but I don't want him thinking he's forgiven just because I need to scratch an itch 🙃

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Missj25 · 20/07/2025 20:03

Are you afraid OP that he will do it again ?

MsDDxx · 20/07/2025 20:11

Isn’t this hysterical bonding?

Original poster

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 20:36

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 20:03

Are you afraid OP that he will do it again ?

I think the fact our kids know and currently hate him, I can't see him making the same mistake again. I've put things in place and he has said that he will follow whatever me and the kids want.

I'll never truly trust him again, but if Colleen Rooney can forgive, I'm sure I will be able to do it too.

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Missj25 · 20/07/2025 20:51

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 20:36

I think the fact our kids know and currently hate him, I can't see him making the same mistake again. I've put things in place and he has said that he will follow whatever me and the kids want.

I'll never truly trust him again, but if Colleen Rooney can forgive, I'm sure I will be able to do it too.

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Well , I think aswel when they’re not emotionally invested , an affair is different, that’s when they lie & deceive to be able to see their mistress ..
I know it’s still an awful hurt , but I think a one night mistake can be worked on ..
Hope it all works out well for you 🤞

And on a much lighter note
Enjoy all the Sex 😂

Original poster

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 21:43

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 20:51

Well , I think aswel when they’re not emotionally invested , an affair is different, that’s when they lie & deceive to be able to see their mistress ..
I know it’s still an awful hurt , but I think a one night mistake can be worked on ..
Hope it all works out well for you 🤞

And on a much lighter note
Enjoy all the Sex 😂

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I plan to enjoy sex again and to reclaim it. I have started to remember why I like sex. I'd forgotten for a while.

I hope we can get through this. It will be a challenge and trying at times, but we've been together a long, long time.

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Missj25 · 20/07/2025 22:00

Bublicious · 20/07/2025 21:43

I plan to enjoy sex again and to reclaim it. I have started to remember why I like sex. I'd forgotten for a while.

I hope we can get through this. It will be a challenge and trying at times, but we've been together a long, long time.

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I hope so too OP x

AnonAnonmystery · 20/07/2025 22:04

Had the sex not been frequent before your husband cheated? I think you could read up on trauma bonding…. You seem determined to get through it so wish you well. It’s very difficult and you won’t know how you feel till you do it for the first time.

3luckystars · 20/07/2025 22:04

How do you know Colleen Rooney forgave him, she might torture him every night 😁

I hope you are alright x

ThatsCute · 21/07/2025 07:58

Colleen Rooney has 130 million reasons to “forgive” Wayne. OP, does your DP have millions of reasons to forgive him?

EspeciallyHeinous · 21/07/2025 13:54

I can understand you feeling like this, I think that I would too but I would also feel disgusted with myself and him afterwards, for me there would be no going back from adultery at all

AtYourPleasure · 21/07/2025 14:05

I personally don't know how you can have sex with him again.

Let him go.

Original poster

Bublicious · 21/07/2025 17:40

AnonAnonmystery · 20/07/2025 22:04

Had the sex not been frequent before your husband cheated? I think you could read up on trauma bonding…. You seem determined to get through it so wish you well. It’s very difficult and you won’t know how you feel till you do it for the first time.

Yes, it had due to various reasons. My kid's want us to try and financially neither of us is in a position to live separately and look after the kids. My wages would see 2/3's going solely on rent. So it would be a disaster that way as he couldn't afford to rent somewhete that would be suitable for him and the kids.

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Original poster

Bublicious · 21/07/2025 17:41

3luckystars · 20/07/2025 22:04

How do you know Colleen Rooney forgave him, she might torture him every night 😁

I hope you are alright x

Because you couldn't be that much of lovely person if you're carrying around all that bitterness. Bitterness and grudges make you ugly and destroy you.

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Original poster

Bublicious · 21/07/2025 17:43

ThatsCute · 21/07/2025 07:58

Colleen Rooney has 130 million reasons to “forgive” Wayne. OP, does your DP have millions of reasons to forgive him?

She does have that money, but I think she'd do ok on her own. She had to face all that humiliation (multiple times) and she did it with grace. I never understood why she stayed, but watching her in the jungle and her documentary changed how I viewed her. He doesn't have that kind of money (I wish), but we do have two kids that have asked us (well me) to work it out.

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Original poster

Bublicious · 21/07/2025 17:45

EspeciallyHeinous · 21/07/2025 13:54

I can understand you feeling like this, I think that I would too but I would also feel disgusted with myself and him afterwards, for me there would be no going back from adultery at all

I probably will feel all those things but I don't want to go out and have a ONS or cheat. It's not me, even though it would be more than he deserves. I've said we would try and get through this, despite it being incredibly difficult for the kids.

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Original poster

Bublicious · 21/07/2025 17:46

AtYourPleasure · 21/07/2025 14:05

I personally don't know how you can have sex with him again.

Let him go.

If we were in a position to live separately financially and if our kids didn't ask me to resolve the issues with him, he'd be out the door. But everything is so bloody expensive including rent. It's not feasible thanks to poor government management over the last 15 years.

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AnonAnonmystery · 21/07/2025 18:05

One word of advice, don’t let the kids guilt you. You’ve been cheated on, it’s incredibly tough on you and a great deal of your pressure.

Zanatdy · 21/07/2025 19:47

Bublicious · 21/07/2025 17:46

If we were in a position to live separately financially and if our kids didn't ask me to resolve the issues with him, he'd be out the door. But everything is so bloody expensive including rent. It's not feasible thanks to poor government management over the last 15 years.

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Have you looked into whether you’d qualify for any in work benefits? If 2/3 of your income would go on rent then most likely you’d qualify for some universal credit. Many women say they have to stay due to finances, but often they’d actually be fine as unless you’re on a high income, you’d be likely to get help. But nothing wrong with staying if you want to stay and try and forgive and move on. But it’s likely you do have some options.

Re the sex, if it’s what you want. Go for it. I remember when I was splitting from my ex and we weren’t speaking properly and I was really horny. I didn’t do anything about it in the end as I didn’t want to stay with him, but in your case maybe the sex will help you heal and move forward.

Missj25 · 21/07/2025 20:03

If there is a chance things can be resolved, I’d definitely try aswel ..
It was one night, I’m not trying to imply at all , well then it doesn’t matter , of course it does , but affairs are calculated, lies & deceit …
People saying ‘ don’t let the kids guilt trip you into staying ‘..
A lot of things factor into couples trying to fix things after an infidelity, kids being a huge factor !.
If OPS husband is a good man / good father , & yes you can be a good man & fuck up , I don’t care if I get slated for saying that .. Only OP knows if he is , well then their relationship is worth trying to see anyway if they can get past this ….