Advice on painful sex

[PimmsPerson]

Bit premature to be on 'mums'net at 20 but wanted some advice...
Tried having sex for the first time at 18 with a longterm partner only for even the penetration of a finger to feel excruciating. Nothing changed no matter how I tried to relax etc. Dr said vaginismus but not much else.
Wanted to ask if any women on here suffered like this in their youth but since 'grew out of it'? Hoping that will happen to me but i feel a bit hopeless as it had a hand in ruining my first relationship and is affecting the current one.

I don't think it's something that you will just grow out of without you doing anything about it, but there are definitely things you can do. Really crap of the doctor to just tell you it's vaginisimus and not offer further help or advice.

It could be worth contacting a pelvic floor physio (sometimes they're also called women's pelvic physios or women's health physios) if you can afford to. They may suggest exercises to help release your pelvic floor if it is tight and possibly suggest dilators too and they should support and advise you in using them.

There are some things that make sex easier: firstly being able to feel pleasure alone before you go anywhere near a partner, then an unhurried, considerate and willing to experiment partner, lots of lube, and no pressure to perform, or to carry on with anything that hurts.

I grew out of it. Or it was a phase and I moved past it.

I think I developed vaginismus in my early 20s because I caught an STI which made sex painful, and that made me clamp up going forwards. This lasted for years.

When my - now husband - used to try to penetrate me, even though I was aroused enough - I'd have to ask him to stop so that I could take a few deep breaths to relax my body more.

I must have just stopped having the problem at some point, but can't remember when.

I've not had kids, so it's not like that changed something physically for me.