Looking for advice on positions and other bits

[JackBailey]

Me and my partner have been together for a fair few years now and we are each others first. Recently we have been trying different positions and different things. So my partner is 5ft 10" and I'm 4ft 11". We have tried several of times with me on top but my height when I'm straddling him is almost the thickness of his hips/thighs which means there isn't hardly any room between us for my to lift of him. We have tried him sitting up, end of the bed and sofa and it's the same problem, not enough sensation for him. If I wrap my legs around him when on the end of the bed and he moves me it's ok but literally when I'm in control he can't really finish. We also have to use a cock ring on positions because I can't finish penetraction alone. In all honesty, things that should feel nice doesn't, for example if he rubs my breast there is no aerosol or anything. He has never been able to make me finish with his hand or tongue. After awhile when he has tried oral it tends to feel numb in the area. Any help would be greatfully appreciated for me and him

Try reverse cowgirl…..or reverse squat over his cock….

Do you want to be in control/on top to help you orgasm? Or just to play with the dynamic? You say when you are in control he can’t finish- I’m just wondering why that matters as you could do something different to finish? Not being dismissive just wondering!

Buy the Kama Sutra there's plenty of variety in it.

It isn't the importance of him being able to finish while I'm on top, it just with everything included, makes me feel useless like I'm not right. It's another thing that I can't do. I mean, places that are sensitive to other women doesn't feel much to me, he can't finish be by oral or fingers etc and so I feel like something is wrong with me

Slow down.

Can you orgasm solo? Do you have nice sensations when masturbating? if so then this is what/how your partner should be touching you. You may need to educate him. It also seems as though you treat sex as a must do job. You have to be turned on and feel horny to enjoy it.

If it doesn’t work so well when you’re on top then does that matter?… when there’s missionary, doggy, spooning, bent over bed, and all manner of other positions that I don’t know that name of etc. I’ve never been with anyone where every single bodily arrangement is ideal.

In fact, “on top” is the standard position type I do least with my DP… we probably do it that way 1 out of 10 times or so that we do it (with other positions mixed in). He enjoys it, as do I, but also it’s not a position he finishes in.

As for tongues and fingers… you could try helping with your fingers? And be really open (in a kind way of course) about what you want and what how he needs to do differently.

I’m not a huge fan of being on top either. I mean we do it but I never orgasm that way.

does it feel nice when he uses his hand or tongue on you?

there’s nothing wrong with you! We are all different. And it sounds like you both do orgasm (vibrating cock ring?). Which is a great base to keep exploring.

enjoy 😉

Have you one of those large bean bags to try? My OH is also overweight and "wide" at the hips and I really struggled with being on top when in bed etc, but we accidentally found that him lying on a huge bean bag works really well. With him "sinking" into the bean bag, I find it more comfortable for my knees/hips when straddling him, and it seems to work well when he's not actually horizontal but more on maybe a 30 degree angle with his feet on the ground, sort of half sitting up. Maybe worth a try - it really works for me!!

@JackBailey hi, has he tried lifting you up and then PIV while standing ? Maybe standing and you lifted but back resting on wall? Would you consider fixing a hanging saddle seat which DH can adjust to both your requirements ?

OP, how old are you and how long have you and your partner been sexually active together?

I really think you could benefit from some actual stories/experiences of other women. You're really not that different from most of us.

1. Every man has positions that are going to either make it harder or easier to orgasm. My partner hardly ever orgasms from me being on top either. A lot of men just prefer it when they can decide the rhythm. Nothing wrong with that. Switching positions is all about keeping it fun and stimulating different sensations. Not every position is going to make you both orgasm.
2. Most women I know, inclusing myself, took years and years to discover their own bodies and learn how to maximise their pleasure. My first orgasm from oral was when I was 28! I had been having sex for 11 years at that time. Reaching an orgasm is such a complicated thing, and so many factors have to be just right.
3. I know a lot of women, myself included, who can not orgasm just from penetration. The fact that you need to use a cock ring is perfectly normal. I absolutely enjoy PIV sex now, because I've let go of the expectation that it needs to make me cum. I just trust that my partner will at some point take some time to make sure I came too.
4. Again, every woman I know has a different body. A lot of women aren't sensitive in their breasts (neither am I). Some only come from clitoral stimulation. Others prefer G-spot. Others need both at the same time (me again). You really need to start loving your own body more, because all this negative self-image must be destroying your confidence.
5. There's something incredibly romantic about being each others' firsts. However, it's also challenging. Because you're both inexperienced and you don't have anyone to teach the other what to do. I started having great sex after my first relationship, when I started dating men who had some experience. So stop thinking this is all your fault.

@Girlmom35 sound advice….being open minded about exploring sexual desires preferences can certainly be mutually beneficial! @JackBailey dont be nervous to try different ways , not only is it fun but you will discover what works for both of you ✊🏿