Plus size sex!

[Bex2157]

Hello lovelies!

I need advice. I am a 32 year old 14st 5"4 women, I have had 2 sexual partners my whole life, 1 for the last 13 years. I've been single a year now and have met someone. I have known of them for over a year but just started messaging and we've now had 2 dates and a few kisses! There is definitely chemistry and I'm definitely sexually attracted to them and feel really excited to have sex with someone new!

However, I am much much bigger than when I started having sex with my ex. I did the deed only with a top on for the first six months, I've always had major body issues, my ex built me up in the beginning and we ended up having a great sexual relationship. This was before he started to bully me about my weight when I got pregnant (i was 7st 13lb at the time after a few years of trying to starve myself) and was relentless about it throughout the 13 years we were together. 'Do you remember when you used to be skinny and attractive?' I became mum and the rest is history, trapped in a horrible relationship, confidence ruined and depression, i ate myself to 15st and now weigh 14st.

The constant comments on my weight and double and chin... they're all i can think about, i cannot fathom that anyone would find my face attractive let alone my body. I believe this person is attracted to my face, I can kinda feel it when we look at each other, but they haven't seen the rest yet and I'm terrified. Scared it will scare them off, scared ill be rubbish in bed, scared that even if they like it my lack of confidence is going to be a turn off. We have discussed this and they have been with bigger women and assured me it does not bother them in the slightest, but I don't have a curvy body like the gorgeous plus size models, I don't have big boobs or a big bum, I carry it all in my face and tummy. It may be important to point out they are 11st, so 3st lighter than me. If they were also plus size I don't think this would be bothering me. The sight of my stomach all squishy and wobbly, I've never loved it. How could anyone else?!

I suppose rather than advice, I'd like to hear experiences of sex as a plus size women. Good and bad. I think it will be comforting to know I'm not alone in all this worry and if you have any body confidence tips for the bedroom I'd super appreciate. Thanks for reading ❤️

Your choice of pronouns is conspicuous.
That may not feel significant but men and women are often attracted to people for different reasons.
The bigger part of this is you being comfortable with yourself. That could mean learning to love yourself in whatever shape you are (maybe talking to a counsellor might help) or use this as a motivation to loose some weight. Whichever you choose, that's entirely up to you - nobody else. When you feel happy with yourself, you will feel sexier with your new partner.

Hi, thank you for your response. You're right and I do know this is something I have internalised and need to properly address. Regardless of my size and weight, I have never been happy with my body image.

My ex was male. The person I am dating identifies as non-binary, male assigned at birth.

The right person will like you for you, size irrespective
im an old man with grey hair, glasses and a paunch & someone likes me for me ( sometimes I can’t even believe it ) , but she seems to like sleeping with me and that’s fantastic

I’ve had several children, I ‘m 5 foot tall, I’m approach my mid sixties, yet I have found a partner. We enjoy each others company and have great sex...
Stop viewing yourself in a negative light, there is a guy out there for you, you have to find him. Keep positive and things will drop into place. Best wishes.

I think you might be surprised. I felt similarly but my new partner absolutely loves my body and I am feeling much more confident as a result.

Confidence, it's all about confidence.
A man I knew via a friend once told me that if a man fancies you, it's for you as you are. Whether you are big or small or tall or short. They are unlikely to be turned off by what is hidden underneath your clothes.
If you can feel comfortable and confident in your own skin then that is what they feel too. They see your empowered nature.
I'm obese myself and although I don't have much action, any man who I have been with doesn't seem to have been turned off by my size.
Something I found that made me confident was some nice lace items. I haven't worn them for a man but I have worn them and looked at myself and thought "yeah, this is quite hot" and it really helped me stand tall in my own skin. Some are well designed that you can use them to draw attention to certain areas of your body or deflect from areas you like less.

Do you know what's never happened in the history of people having sex, ever?
A man dating a plus size woman, ending up seeing her naked and saying: wow, I never realised you weren't skinny underneath all of those clothes. I thought you were just really into layers but you were thin underneath.

Love, he can tell what you look like. He knows. It doesn't matter what you wear, you can't make your whole shape disappear.
And guess what? He keeps coming back for more. So worst case he doesn't care and best case he thinks you're beautiful and can't wait to see more of you.

As a plus sized woman myself, it's really important to notice that this voice in your head that keeps telling you that you're not attractive is just that. It's a voice. It's an opinion. It's something you've internalised and have come to see as the truth, but it's not. Don't let it fool you. There is no holy truth in that. You may have forgotten how to find the beauty in yourself, but that doesn't mean that others can't. Give him a chance to show you.

This.

Anybody who sees someone who is bigger with clothes on expects the person to shrink in size when they come off.

They have an idea of what you look like already. We think we are hiding it with clothes and maybe they don't know everything but they'll have a good idea and it's not put them off wanting to be with you. So enjoy yourself and try to relax