Sex and low confidence

[twotimesatwix]

I have been with my partner for 2.5 years now, and he has only managed to ejaculate during sex maybe 3 or 4 times in total. He also does not ejaculate from oral sex or when I use my hands. More often than not, we will have sex and then he will either lose his erection or masturbate himself to finish.
We are both late thirties, I have had 2 vaginal births and I am worried that there is something wrong with my pelvic floor, he has never had sex with a woman who has given birth before me. After sex I often feel useless and my body confidence has been shattered, I am convinced he is going to leave me for someone who can give him pleasure. He dislikes talking about the subject. Has anyone experienced similar and can advise whether it is likely to improve or not?

The good news is it's really not you, it's just how he's wired up. Some men find it harder to cum than others, and wanking always works - less effort and there's a kind of feedback loop. (It's not nearly as pleasurable as the real thing, just easier to cum.)

The bad news is it isn't going to change, it's physical, and it's him.

Good luck!

My ex was a daily porn user and our sex life was like yours. It destroyed my self esteem. He was so used to getting his orgasms via his own hand that whatever I did was rarely good enough. I couldn't maintain the speed and firm grip he'd become used to during his 4 years of being on his own before meeting me.

You having had kids isn't the cause of the problem if oral/hand doesn't work either. See what happens if you grip harder and/or go faster, but you might have to have the uncomfortable conversation I did around porn use and how you are feeling. It did help for a while, because he understood the impact on me.

Please don't blame yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. He would be incredibly foolish to leave you because he will find the same 'problem' with another woman, and she may not be as forgiving as you!

"He also does not ejaculate from oral sex or when I use my hands"
so ... "I am worried that there is something wrong with my pelvic floor"

Yeah, I don't really agree with the logic you're using.

It's not you. It's him.
The fact that he doesn't want to talk about it, tells me he's had this problem before and it's got nothing to do with your pelvic floor muscles or that fact that you've given birth.

Thanks for the replies. I forgot to add that he can also cum from using a fleshlight, I dont know how to move past it really as I feel so unnatractive

I don’t think it’s you at all. Sounds like there’s an issue with him and he doesn’t want to talk about it, which isn’t really fair. Id be considering if sex is good and being initiated by both of you and try approaching the subject again.

There are plenty of women who don't orgasm easily and plenty of men who don't.
If the two of you can't discuss sex comfortably, thats the place to start. Only when you can be open with each other can you hope to have a useful conversation about sexual difficulties. And for you, that sounds like both his orgasms and your self confidence. Addressing both, either independently or together, should help you both have a better sex life.