Partner not interested in sex but watching porn

[doggystyIee]

Hi I’m looking for advice , and wondered what this could possibly mean?

been with my boyfriend 5 years and we have always had a good sex life, recently I’ve noticed he’s backed off a bit and isn’t as interested in it as before , however whilst using his phone recently (with his permission. my phone was on charge) I came across his search history and WOW! Porn most days , sometimes 3/4 times a day.

this is obviously contributing to his lack of sex as he’s probably wanked out.

I don’t care that he watches porn I really don’t but it’s obviously affecting our sex life so I do care about that.

he used to be the one to initiate sex all of the time but now it’s always me, he says he’s too tired or not in the mood etc.

ive never owned a sex toy as didn’t feel the need to have one but I actually ordered a vibrator and dildo a few weeks ago as I need something I feel deprived.

has porn ruined it? Btw we’re early twenties….

also would like to mention , I confronted him about the porn he denied and denied and then finally admitted it but told me to shut up and not mention it.

it just doesn’t make me feel nice to be honest.

Btw we aren’t completely sex less and he isn’t like this all of the time but he’s definitely not interested in it the way he used to be. The odd time he will initiate it but it’s more me. We have sex about once a week which isn’t the worst but I would like it more. Maybe I’m being silly? I just noticed him shifting away from it and then caught all of the porn and it all made sense :(

It’s possible he was watching just as much porn before and it’s something else that’s affecting your sex life?

Does you turn him down a lot? If so he may have given up on trying it on and be wanking on the assumption he's not going to get any. Then when you initiate he err... can't.

I get the feeling that's not the case so I guess you'll have to ask him. He's far more likely to open up if you approach is "Is there anything I can do to make sex something you want more" rather than "You're a bad person for wanting porn more often than me.".

Good luck.

This happened to my husband too in his 20s OP. Went off sex suddenly, slowly became less frequent.

We have sex more now but it always feels like he’s recreating porn. I know he used to watch it and I think he found it easier than sex.

The answer I found is to do the stuff in real life that he likes watching. I don’t think I’d recommend this - if I was in my 20s again, I’d move on.