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Original poster

Mismatched libido

14 replies

Cherrytart81 · 03/07/2025 14:11

Hi all, need some advice.
I have been with my partner for 12 months, after being single for 5 years.
Sex is great and obviously was hot and heavy in the beginning. I have a really high sex drive and he doesn't.
I would have sex daily if he was up for it.
I have kinks etc and would love to explore this with him but he just doesn't seem interested. He has done things like sharing photos, bondage with previous partners but doesn't seem interested in doing those things with me.
He almost seem quite coy about it.
He wasn't in the beginning though. I really do care for him and we have a lovely relationship. I just wish the sex was more regular and more kinky. Its good but vanilla.
If I send him a naughty snap. I get 'nice' back and nothing. Its a bit deflating.
I find i am doing a lot of solo play just because I am horny all of the time, (I blame hormones.)I would like to share it with him but he rejects me more often than not.
We have sex maybe once a week sometimes more sometimes less.
I feel like maybe I am expecting too much. 😔

OP posts:
Sogfree · 03/07/2025 18:05

I hear you. I have a similar situation.

My life experience has led me to conclude that the 95% of us that works brilliantly means I've decided to tolerate the very slow moving sex life. I'm getting some and having fun. It's just not the specific fun I'd like to be having...yet 🤞🏻 He seems to be gaining more confidence as the months are passing, so I'm hoping we might get to a better place in a few years.

Only you can decide if exploring your kinks, bondage etc are more important to you than the relationship you have. I know the ideal is that you explore together, but as that isn't happening, what are you willing to accept?

NCForThatForumM · 03/07/2025 18:08

12 months? No shared kids? Just walk away.

Original poster
Cherrytart81 · 03/07/2025 19:09

And thats the real question isn't it? What am I willing to let go as everything else is so great. But ultimately will it be the end of things.😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrytart81 · 03/07/2025 19:11

NCForThatForumM · 03/07/2025 18:08

12 months? No shared kids? Just walk away.

He's very much part of our lives now. I do love him but yeah this has crossed my mind.

OP posts:
Sogfree · 03/07/2025 20:15

Cherrytart81 · 03/07/2025 19:09

And thats the real question isn't it? What am I willing to let go as everything else is so great. But ultimately will it be the end of things.😬

I think your answer will depend on your age and life stage.

Different priorities as you grow older.

MsDDxx · 03/07/2025 21:34

My DH is very similar. I sent him a photo of my boobs the other day and he said “lovely”. 😂

He did fire him up though for when he got home so it worked but I wish he would partake in a little flirty messaging. I guess it’s not for everyone so it can’t be forced.

I wish mine would be a bit more adventurous too. He likes certain things (some I don’t like) but he’s quite “vanilla” for the most part. Not sure what the answer is as I feel he just gets a bit awkward if I talk about it.

MsDDxx · 03/07/2025 21:35

My hormones drive me crazy too on a regular basis. Sometimes it makes me obsessed with sex and I can’t think of anything else so I definitely sympathise 😂

BeEagerTurtle · 03/07/2025 22:07

@Cherrytart81 I’m your partner in my relationship, my female partner has a higher sex drive ( she would happily have sex twice daily) , and I do sometimes feel some slightly uncomfortable pressure to “perform “ , also I’m probably the more “vanilla” one also and again sometimes feel awkward with some of the suggestions that have been made ( a firm no to pegging, ), we have discussed and done a few things that didn’t really do anything for me - and I was uncomfortable with- and might not do again- and it might be me who end the relationship over sex.

Gymbunny2025 · 03/07/2025 22:18

BeEagerTurtle · 03/07/2025 22:07

@Cherrytart81 I’m your partner in my relationship, my female partner has a higher sex drive ( she would happily have sex twice daily) , and I do sometimes feel some slightly uncomfortable pressure to “perform “ , also I’m probably the more “vanilla” one also and again sometimes feel awkward with some of the suggestions that have been made ( a firm no to pegging, ), we have discussed and done a few things that didn’t really do anything for me - and I was uncomfortable with- and might not do again- and it might be me who end the relationship over sex.

There was a similar post to the OP recently and it transpired the man ended things (saying she was sex obsessed!). Mismatched libido a killer on both sides for a relationship really isn’t it.

did he move in with you OP?

BeEagerTurtle · 03/07/2025 23:13

Gymbunny2025 · 03/07/2025 22:18

There was a similar post to the OP recently and it transpired the man ended things (saying she was sex obsessed!). Mismatched libido a killer on both sides for a relationship really isn’t it.

did he move in with you OP?

Show quote history

Yes absolutely- it doesn’t matter what gender you are or if you are the person who wants more or less sex - a mismatched libido certainly is a difficult issue to solve

MsDDxx · 04/07/2025 00:01

BeEagerTurtle · 03/07/2025 23:13

Yes absolutely- it doesn’t matter what gender you are or if you are the person who wants more or less sex - a mismatched libido certainly is a difficult issue to solve

Show quote history

It really is because there is no compromise.

No one should have sex they don’t want - which leaves the one who wants more resentful or disappointed, unfulfilled. I think if they are very different, separating is the only option bar an open relationship, which doesn’t always work.

Original poster
Cherrytart81 · 04/07/2025 00:34

MsDDxx · 04/07/2025 00:01

It really is because there is no compromise.

No one should have sex they don’t want - which leaves the one who wants more resentful or disappointed, unfulfilled. I think if they are very different, separating is the only option bar an open relationship, which doesn’t always work.

Show quote history

Yeah I am starting to think separating is the only way really. I don't ever want him feeling pressured into having sex or more kinky sex than he is comfortable with. Its supposed to be enjoyable.
I dont think my kinks are crazy wild but just more than missionary every time.
Its a shame because I am in love with him, he's a great guy we have a lovely time together. We don't live together so I guess that will be easier. I dont think he would be happy with an open relationship. He's had a lot of partners in the past so I thought he would be open to more stuff and he was in the beginning now he just isn't.

We both wanted a monogamous relationship and thats what we have. But like PP have said one person (me) has to settle with being less than satisfied because someone having sex when they dont want to is just wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrytart81 · 04/07/2025 14:07

MsDDxx · 03/07/2025 21:34

My DH is very similar. I sent him a photo of my boobs the other day and he said “lovely”. 😂

He did fire him up though for when he got home so it worked but I wish he would partake in a little flirty messaging. I guess it’s not for everyone so it can’t be forced.

I wish mine would be a bit more adventurous too. He likes certain things (some I don’t like) but he’s quite “vanilla” for the most part. Not sure what the answer is as I feel he just gets a bit awkward if I talk about it.

This sounds very similar. He says he likes getting pics but I dont get much response when I send them.
He isn't s prude well.his past would suggest he isn't. But he gets very prudish with me. Maybe I intimidate him? I dont think I am that swxually aggressive. God knows.🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Addictedtohotbaths · 08/07/2025 21:25

I was in a similar position and split, I’ve found someone now who matches me sex and kink wise and it was the best decision I’ve made.

Don’t waste your time with someone that doesn’t fulfil you, the resentment will grow.

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