Sex and cystitis

[lonelylou09]

I'm mid 40's in a happy long term relationship. Sex has seemed to naturally fizzle out in the last 2/3 years and we now sleep in separate beds.
I have 2 issues really. 1 is I have absolutely no sex drive anymore. Not just with my DP but in general it's like everything has been switched off down there.
The 2nd issue being nearly every time we do have sex I end up with cystitis or a UTI where I have to take antibiotics and still feel rubbish a week later.
So this really puts me off and I know I am upsetting my DP by also avoiding being physical with him at all as he is always very affectionate. For me though I feel like I can't enjoy sex even when I want to because it will affect me for so long afterwards.
I am now worried it will end up ending my relationship as I can't just expect my poor DP to give up sex also. He's a lot younger than me and craves being close.
I've been back and forth to the doctors for antibiotics for this for years so I don't know if they can actually do anything. Plus it's impossible to get an appointment at my surgery.
It doesn't seem to matter if we are gentle or if I wee or bathe afterwards to minimise the risk.
My DP has been feeling frisky this week and wanted some but then said 'its ok, I don't want to make you ill' which just made me feel really sad.
I know there's other things we can do but when you just don't want sex anyway it seems more of a chore if I'm not even getting anything out of it.
Posting to see if anyone has any cystitis advice mostly. thanks

Are you in perimenopause? If so, the hormonal changes can cause vulval dryness/burning and increased UTIs. I purchased Gina vaginal tablets and while I never contracted UTIs after sex, the itching and burning were terrible. It took 3 months before I really saw an improvement, but they've been revolutionary for me.

Of course, if you are still having regular periods and no other perimenopause symptoms then Gina would not be the right course of action. It might be worth trying to book an appointment with your GP.

Ask your GP about taking a low dose antibiotic long term. I was in exactly your situation for years and desperately sad that me and DH would have to face a much reduced sex life. After years of courses of antibiotics one after the other, a new GP gave me Nitrofurantoin. I take one immediately after sex and one around 12 hours later. It changed my life.

@jubs15 thanks. Yes I think early stages of peri menopause. Lack of sex drive and over all energy , night sweats and terrible brain fog quite often.
I'll look into Gina. Yes sometimes get itching too and generally need to urinate very often anyway but when I get cystitis even after antibiotics the urge to go frequently lingers for a few weeks. It's miserable

@headinabook oh thank you for that. It's so impossible these days to get to see a GP here that I generally go to the pharmacist or I have ordered them online. Maybe it would have to be a case of taking something after to prevent rather than waiting for it to get bad. It's generally the day after it kicks in but now I find it's all I think about when we have sex so it really puts me off.