How to address lack of experience with sex

[asrl78]

I am a 47 year old man. I have had very little experience of romantic relationships with women, just the one which lasted about eight months. During that time we tried sex a couple of times both of which weren't good (IMO). This has left me anxious about what happens if the opportunity comes up again and it was anxiety the first time which killed my ability to get properly aroused.

Earlier this year (shortly after Easter) I met a woman who became friendly with me exceptionally quickly i.e. after one game of bridge she invited me round for lunch and we had some deep conversation. At the time my anxiety kicked in again and I told her politely I didn't think I had romantic feelings for her and would like us to be friends, which she agreed. Things have somewhat intensified between us and whilst I have been away on a charity challenge event last weekend, the messaging has strongly implied she has some sexual desire. I also feel sexual desire but don't want to have a relationship based only on lust; however the way she has been communicating has triggered feelings of affection in me, thus something more is a definite possibility.

Again, feelings of anxiety start to develop as she is a fair bit older than me, has a daughter and is going to be far more sexually experienced than me (you have to have at least some experience in order to give birth). My ultimate ambition with a woman romantically is to be able to sexually satisfy her, but my near-zero experience will likely mean I make a hash of it (it is extremely rare to do something fof the first or second time and be good at it). How can I resolve the feelings of conflict between fundamental sexual desire and the barrier of anxiety?

You have developed a deep friendship with this lady over the past few months and during your conversations together it’s likely that she will have picked up that you haven’t been in any relationships. I don’t think your lack of experience with come as a shock to her.

Just be honest with her: tell her that you’re very attracted to her and you want to please her sexually but you’re so scared of messing it up. Your anxiety is making you focus on the negatives. Here are the positives: you are respectful, considerate of her feelings and keen to learn. Remember- just because a man has slept with 20 women it doesn’t mean that he’s brought any of them to orgasm!

I think as said, just be honest but at a time when perhaps you are relaxed and perhaps cuddling etc. it is only like we all have a first time and I held off until I was a little older but when I met my first bf and decided that I did want to have sex, I did tell him and said I will be nervous. He was lovely (a little older and more experienced) and we went away for a weekend which was no pressure and really relaxed. But what he did was to gently lead me and take ages with everything. My first time was lovely and very memorable and also I did have the most amazing orgasm. I still feel grateful for how he made it for me as a first time but then I was able to relax and start trying to do things that made him feel good. Communication is the key and being honest and taking time, so make the time and space and not be having a deadline!

As pp have said be honest with her and take it really really slowly

Oh come on there’s loads of resources at your disposal that you could research . Women want time spent on them, the clit is key, they want to cum and then it’s your turn.