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Original poster

Husband has almost no sex drive

11 replies

Wil25 · 22/06/2025 15:57

My husband is 59 and I'm 50, we are both healthy and quite active. He however has no sex drive and it's killing me. I could fully strip naked in front of him and he would bother to look at me. It's eating my self confidence in my body/looks. He is kind and caring but just not interested in anything passionate. His love language is also physical but to him that's just holding hands and I get up to 3 quick pecks a day and often a hug in the kitchen (where I think he feels like it safe and I won't try anything)
I think I've tried everything already to get him interested but give me your best ideas in case I've missed anything.

OP posts:
BeEagerTurtle · 22/06/2025 16:01

At that age is more likely to be a hormonal issue, has he had any general health issues or bloods checked recently

unfortunately he is feels okay there is little you can do

ARedPlanet · 22/06/2025 16:08

Full Empathy for you OP because I’ve been in that position with my ex DH. I really struggled with my body confidence during it because I have insecurities that I’ve had for a long time. Have you tried relationship counselling? Sadly, it is all down to him and his side of things, if he just is reluctant to change then it may not.

happygoluckyme2 · 22/06/2025 17:51

I wouldn't say it's always age that's the issue. My wife is only 37 and she has exactly the same issue. No interest in sex at all and it frustrates me so much. After trying everything, it's just something I have to accept and live with.

messyhouses · 22/06/2025 22:59

Really sorry, I had just this with a DH, when he was 54. I initially thought it was work, lack of desire for me , he was down , getting erection problems and it was during covid so all a bit of a nightmare.
anyhow one of his friends suggested an online testosterone test which he found out was low. He went to his really sympathetic GP ( who repeated it again) and it was indeed low. He was started on testosterone, he started going to the gym. Just to say he completely changed
he does take viagra ( an every day one)
but his libido improved
he now wants it every bloody day 🤣 so we compromise to 3 times a week
it’s lovely I have my old DH back

thiswomanneedsfun · 22/06/2025 23:35

This is my story also, I don't think it's his libido though. I think it's me.
He will only have sex with me when he's drunk from a night out.
I could be standing in front of him in stockings and high heels, looking sexy af and he wouldn't bat an eyelid. This has actually happened. Embarrassingly I also started masturbating all sexily in front of him and he made some excuse to leave the room. When I pull him up on it, he says he loves me and wants me, which I think is bs.

It's got to the point where I feel no guilt if I sleep with other men. My sex drive has always been high so for me never to have satisfying sex scares the hell out of me!

happygoluckyme2 · 22/06/2025 23:50

thiswomanneedsfun · 22/06/2025 23:35

This is my story also, I don't think it's his libido though. I think it's me.
He will only have sex with me when he's drunk from a night out.
I could be standing in front of him in stockings and high heels, looking sexy af and he wouldn't bat an eyelid. This has actually happened. Embarrassingly I also started masturbating all sexily in front of him and he made some excuse to leave the room. When I pull him up on it, he says he loves me and wants me, which I think is bs.

It's got to the point where I feel no guilt if I sleep with other men. My sex drive has always been high so for me never to have satisfying sex scares the hell out of me!

I'm getting to that point too.
It's not fair for her to assume that no sex is going to be OK. It's not and I get so frustrated with the lack of intimacy. We all want to be desired and wanted surely.

thiswomanneedsfun · 23/06/2025 00:06

@happygoluckyme2 have you told your wife you're likely to look outside of marriage?

I'm not sure whether to tell my husband before I sleep with other men or do I just play around behind his back so he's none the wiser?

AverageGuy · 23/06/2025 10:34

@thiswomanneedsfun - be careful what you wish for! There are people on this board that will see your posts as an invitation to message you - if you haven't had some already!

My first advice is always to have an open and completely honest discussion with your partner. There may be reasons they feel the way they do that they haven't communicated. This can be very difficult to do, but can be very worthwhile.

If they can't or won't change, ask about opening up your marriage. You shouldn't suffer from having no sex just because they are comfortable with the status quo.

@Wil25 - At 59, he is likely to be suffering from ED - it's very common. He should absolutely see his GP, and have a bunch of tests, as it could be prostate related.

There is a sexless marriage support thread, if you'd like to join.

MsDDxx · 23/06/2025 11:39

happygoluckyme2 · 22/06/2025 17:51

I wouldn't say it's always age that's the issue. My wife is only 37 and she has exactly the same issue. No interest in sex at all and it frustrates me so much. After trying everything, it's just something I have to accept and live with.

Just a thought - you can disregard if you like - but perimenopause can start in your late 30s and your sex drive can go either way, so I wouldn’t necessarily discount age as a factor.

There can be very many other causes of course.

thiswomanneedsfun · 23/06/2025 13:01

@AverageGuy I can handle a few guys who think they'll get lucky with me on here. Have had a few pm's already. It's very tempting to meet this way. The stage I'm at I'm open to meeting and having my desires met. There's nothing wrong with that.

suresh786 · 23/06/2025 13:34

ask him to go to GP and get it checked

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